SEPARATED AT BIRTH 5

Stuart Little and Maui Taylor

BE BENCH-AKA

Kawawa naman ang Pilipinas at tila nauubusan na ata ng mga magagandang tao.

I remember talking to someone from Bench who was so proud of the finalists who made it in the Bench Model Search.

They had auditions in Davao, Cebu, Baguio and Manila. At ito lang ang mga nahanap nyo?

I find it hard to believe na nag nationwide search kayo at yan lang ang mga napili nyo.

Inaaay, mas madami pa akong mahahanap na mas ok na pagala gala sa labas bumibili ng suka.

Actually, if you look at the semi-finalists, there are lots there who should've made the finals, not these butt faces.

Tignan mo nga si Precious?! Walang nagawa ang photography at make-up sa kanya. Buti na lang eliminated na sya. Bakit ba naging finalist 'yan?!

Si Michelle naman, chekwa na chekwa, at panga kung panga!

And don't even get me started with the boys! P-utang na loob naman... yung Kerbie, John at Joey, san nyo napulot 'yan?! Mas gwapo pa driver namin jan eh! I would even screw my driver because he's hot! I wouldn't touch these guys with a ten foot pole! Mukha silang mga kargador sa pier! Native na native!

Kamusta naman ang adik look ni Kerbie? Eh ang friendster look ni John? At ang SM bagger image ni Joey?

My bet sa girls would be either Regine or Kristine. Si Rachel sana, kaya lang eliminated na sya. She looks like a better version of Isabel Oli pa naman. Regine has an Angel Aquino look to her.

Sa boys, clear winner si Carlo.

Remember, they're also looking for a bench model slash ABS-CBN artista. So ang mananalo diyan, may star factor dapat. Actually, mas mataas dapat ang star factor than the model factor.

Ewan ko lang Bench ha, what a disappointment!

Siguro na-off ang mga gusto mag join dahil sa P200 purchase?

OK NA SANA

Pakihanap naman po ang boses ni Lani.

Andyan lang po yan, PAKALAT-KALAT.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH 4

Korina Sanchez and Miss Piggy

SEPARATED AT BIRTH 3

Niecy Nash of Clean House and Reno 911

&

Mau Marcelo of Philippine Idol

UTANG NA LOOB!

I have ranted about this wannabe model search a several posts back, and I must say, they continue to scare the shit out of me.

They have had 10 legs, and now they're on to the finals.

Nakakasuka ang finalists grabe. I can't even pick who's gonna win. Maybe this will be a first for contests na walang mananalo. Lahat talo! Hahaha panalo!

If you're ready for a scare, check out more hideousness at http://styleonefashion.multiply.com.

I swear ang sarap pagbabarilin ang mga ito! Sumasakit ulo ko!

THE PLEASURE OF SUCKING?!

I was watching ETC this afternoon, and was pleased to see a new Chupa Chups TV ad. It was of this girl who rides a bus, and unwraps a Chupa Chups, and starts sucking on it. Seeing this, the rest of the passengers starts sucking on whatever they had with them. Then the girl looks at them, and then everyone stops sucking.

Funny ad I thought. Then the new tag line panned in, "The Pleasure Of Sucking". I was floored. Didn't even know if I read that right.

So I Googled it, and true enough, it is Chupa Chups' latest campaign.

Also checked out out their site, and it even says "Sucking is good for you!"

They even have another TV ad running. Got this from YouTube.

Grabe. I know they're just marketing the common lollipop to not just kids, but I'm sure this campaign was deliberate. So now the marketing strategy "sex sells" applies to lollipops too?

Am I being a prude?

X-DEAL QUEEN?

I had coffee with a friend from a bridal magazine last night. She needed to unwind and whine again about how ironic it was to be unattached and working for a bridal mag. Woe is me.

Anyway, she had a stack of mags with her, and as I was browsing through them, there was this bit about Christine Bersola's "innovative" bridal biz. She preserves bridal gowns and bouquets.

So I was like, "Oh, this is new!" And my friend goes, "Hay, gaya gaya lang 'yan no. At ginaya na lang nga nya, wala pang kwenta. Bersola is one for the books."

Apparently, the first and only one to have this kind of service is The Bridal Conservatory. They have been doing this for almost 6 years, a first in the Philippines, and they have a very impressive clientele.

My friend says that Christine Bersola wanted The Bridal Conservatory to preserve her wedding gown and bouquet, but on x-deal, wherein Bersola would feature TBC on her morning show, Magandang Umaga Bayan, and TBC would preserve Bersola's gown and bouquet for free.

TBC turned it down, and Bersola put up her own Bridal Preservation business. Talk about sourgraping. Industry professionals say hers is such a bad copycat, that it fails miserably. TBC is not threatened at all, and is still doing very well I believe.

Bersola even came out with a wedding video, entitled something like "How To Plan Your Dream Wedding On Less Than P1M." Wedding suppliers' running joke is an answer to that, "Eh di x-deal!"

Another friend of mine from a glossy says that Bersola and Babao's wedding was also a major x-deal. Her souvenirs, food and venue were all free. All she had to do was mention them in her TV and radio shows. I also heard from a reporter that their wedding invitation had like this page of logos of her sponsors. Eeeew tacky! I have yet to see the invite, and if this is true, I'll post it here. Can anyone verify this?

If all this is true, I am so disgusted. I thought Babao's family was well-off? I even saw this celebrity home coverage of their house, and I think I saw Starck numerous times.

I was up really early last week, and when I turned on the radio, it was tuned in to some AM station, with Bersola and Babao on board. She actually promoted her bridal biz on air. She sounded like she didn't know what she was talking about. She said, "Ano nga ba 'yun?" and "Basta" a couple of times. And this was before I had coffee with my friend.

And to top it all off, she's trying to pull a Madge! She's coming out with children's books! Well, at least this is right up her alley, and she's hitting her market really well. I just hope the books are affordable by the masa.

Say it with me everyone. Ka-cheapan!

SEPARATED AT BIRTH 2

Teri Aunor and Tyron Perez

Zanjoe Marudo & Diego of Bubble Gang

MONIQUE DESIGNS FOR BARBIE

Wow Monique. You go girl! Read on everyone.

Monique Lhuillier designs for Barbie
Dress designer Monique Lhuillier launched her first bridal collection 10 years ago, and now she's put a gown on an American icon -- Barbie.

Lhuillier has picked up celebrity clients along the way over the last decade and found herself designing wedding dresses for Natalie Imbruglia, Charlotte Ross and Debbie Matenopoulos.

In 2004, Lhuillier was chosen by more than 300,000 viewers of the "Today" show as having the winning design for Nikki Hensley's wedding dress as part of the "Today Throws a Destination Wedding 2004" series. She also designed 2004 Emmy gowns for winner Allison Janney, and attendees Jamie-Lynn DiScala, Megan Mullally and Famke Janssen.

Lhuillier's rise in the fashion world hasn't been mercurial, but it has been steady, with 2004 proving to be her most productive year. In addition to the gowns designed for the Emmy Awards show, Lhuillier was chosen to design the wedding gown of pop star Britney Spears along with dressing Kevin Costner's bride, Christine Baumgartner.

Hollywood weddings are big tabloid news, but how does wedding designer make her way into the world of collectibles? By being one of the world-class designers who have dressed America's most famous doll.

The list of designers for Barbie include Bob Mackie, Carolina Herrera, Cynthia Rowley, Byron Lars, Nolan Miller, Calvin Klein, Versace, Christian Dior and Lhuillier's wedding gown rival, Vera Wang. The Monique Lhuillier Bride Barbie is the latest fashion-designer creation for Mattel's top-selling doll.

NO CAN DO

Hi chuvaness.

Sorry for using that pic of yours. Didn't even know it was yours. I just used google images, and that pic popped out.

I already changed his pic to some other one so there.

And that way, I won't have to delete that post about you.

And no, I don't want to bury the hatchet.

Like you said, you stay off my blog, I'll stay away from yours.

THE FALL OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

First, it was the Ruffa and Yilmaz break-up. Now are we gonna see the Gretchen and Tony Boy hiwalayan?

Wow, now so that's 2 of Pantene and Preview's most Beautiful. Hope it doesn't happen to Dawn and Angel.

It was bound to happen though. Whenever you're so up, there's no other way to go but down. Deep down.

I mean sure, John Estrada is kinda hot. But he's a bum. An ABS-CBN reject, who reportedly shows off his goods in the ABS-CBN restrooms to strangers.

Dun na ako sa mayamang kinakalbo no. Though I would wanna see John's goods first. Hardehar.

What is up with the Barettos? Di na makuntekuntento sa isang lalaki.

I wonder what Janice de Belen has to say to all this?

Say goodbye to your talking Valentino gown, Greta.

3.5 STARS

I made the mistake of watching Paano Kita Iibigin. Ang kukulit kasi ng girlfriends ko. They all wanted to see Piolo. And they think it's a match made in heaven with Regine too. Si tanga naman ako, naniwala. At eto ngayon nagsisisi.

I have to admit, I am a Regine fan. I love her voice, and I actually think she's world class. But she can't do everything you know. She has tried her hand in almost everything, but pairing up with Piolo Pascual spelled disaster right from the start.

First the cons:

Unang una, Regine, hindi ka na bata. Kaya medyo wala na sa lugar ang mga pinag-sususuot mo no. Ang lakas mo mag two-piece day! Di kita kinakaya! Halata na nga ang age mo sa fez at katawan mo, nakipag-team up ka pa kay Papa Piolo who obviously looks so hot and a lot younger than you! Mukha na kayang nanay ang katawan mo ate! Yung boobs mo nga eh halos umabot na sa waist mo no! Pwede mo ng ihawi pag nagwawalis ka!

Pangalawa, I never liked Joyce Bernal's work. She hasn't improved, and you could tell from a movie if it was directed by her. Swerte lang sya na suki sya ni Regine.

Hated the editing of this movie. The texture was bad. The lighting unflattering. The dubbing is the worst. Especially Robin da Rosa's. And I give the Worst Actor Award to him. Hands down.

Mark Bautista had moderate acting, but he was so out of place sa movie. Para syang playing dress up. Parang hiniram nya ang office clothes ng tatay nya. And nanlilisik pa ang ilong nya.

And the kid who plays Regine's son in the movie was really bad too. Remember JP de Guzman? He reminded me of him. But hey, no one can top JP. And throw in Roseanne Gonzales too. Sarap pag-untugin ang dalawang yun. Wala ng alam gawin kungdi umiyak.

Ang chaka din ng mga font na ginamit sa movie ah. Sumakit kaya mga mata ko. Parang invitation sa kasal na di ko maintindihan.

Si Iya Villania naman, wala lang. Di ko lang sya gusto.

At kamusta naman ang umeeksenang San Mig Coffee sachets? Aaaaaaaargh! Di talaga subtle ang mga pinoy sa ganyan grabe. Well, the worst is still Regine's Pangarap Ko Ang Ibigin Ka with Christopher de Leon. Yun ang major in-your-face product placements talaga! May TimTam, Nestle Back 2 Back Ice Cream, at Close-Up. I suggest you see it para maniwala kayo.

And the symbolisms, di na nga subtle, di pa kumokonek sa movie! What's with the plane and bubog?!

Quotable quote from Regine in the movie: "All of us have experienced losing a loved one, one way OR THE OTHER."

And now the pros:

Eugene Domingo. *APPLAUSE* Move over Ai-ai.

Piolo Pascual. He was good in this movie. Clearly almost ready to take over the place of the likes of Christopher de Leon. And he was damn hot too. With or without a shirt. Yeah I know he's always hot, but this one takes the cake. He's so macho and believable as a rebellious, living-on-the-edge kinda guy. Almost makes me forget that he's gay.

Regine Velasquez. Good acting as well. Reminds me of her performance from her movie, Kailangan Ko'y Ikaw and Lobo from Maalala Mo Kaya, with Piolo too.

Watch out for Jigo Garcia too. He plays the doctor in the first few scenes of the movie. What a blast from the past. Almost didn't recognize him.

All in all, I give it 3 and a half out of 5 stars. At least I didn't fall asleep. And Eugene Domingo kept me awake. Piolo had me drooling the whole time. And Regine had me staring at her southward humps.

TO HELL WITH BRAZILIANS!

Grabe na talaga ang Brazilian invasion sa Manila ah!

They are literally robbing Pinoy models of work! Maganda naman ang lahi natin, bakit mga foreigner pa ang kinukuha?

My friend who owns a modeling agency constantly whines about these Brazilians.

These models pala are chaka sa home country nila, so di sila mabenta doon, so dito na lang sila raraket. Kahit na chaka sila sa Brazil, dito sa Pinas sobrang pinag aagawan pa sila!

So Pinas no? Settling for rejects at latak!

Hindi lang yan, these Brazilian models daw dive their prices, as in dive to death ito, para they're sure to land the job! They're thinking kasi in pakyaw terms, so ok na din kung madaming jobs na not so high ang pay. So wala na tuloy jobs ang mga models in Manila!

My friend told me a story of another agent friend of his whose model then had an almost sure endorsement agreement with SM. Their contract was worth P60,000. Just when the agent was calling in to ask when the contract signing will be, he's told that the deal wasn't pushing through. And he eventually found out that SM opted for a Brazilian model for only P15,000.

Sa mga VTR for TV ads daw, when it's a beauty brand, the Pinoys don't even bother to attend the VTR, kasi they're so sure na foreigner na naman ang makakakuha. And totoo naman.

Ang may kasalanan niyan yung mga agencies na nagpapasok ng foreigners dito. I know the brands opt for these foreigners para may world class leveling ang brand nila, pero if walang nakakapasok na foreigner models here, wala silang choice diba?

And nakakainis pa diyan, halos lahat sila mga walang working permits! Dapat lahat sila ipa-deport!

And get this, there's this Brazilian guy model daw who recently put up his own agency here in Manila! The agency is 99% Brazilians only. Nakakaloka!

The agency is called Chameleon Models (yuck).

I checked out their website, and nakakatawa. You know how modeling agency websites are, below the thumbnails of each model is indicated whether the model is in town or not. May mga nakita ako na nakalagay "DEPORTED"! Bwahahahahaha!

This has really got to stop. It's so Pinoy to not support the locals.

Hay kaya hindi tayo umaasenso eh.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

Melinda Doolittle and Princess Fiona

SERVES YOU RIGHT!

It finally happened.

Tim Yap has been suspended from The Philippine Daily Inquirer, apparently for self agrandising himself with his PDI articles. Haaay, life is beautiful again.

Kasi naman, can't you talk about anything else but your loser club? Dami mong naloloko sa leching Embassy na yan. Your club isn't even nice to begin with! Has anyone seen the interiors of this club in the daytime? Eeeeew talaga. Old, dingy and smelly. You charge like P500 and you can't even renovate your shithole?

Just goes to show you're not a real journalist because you only have one topic in mind.

Dapat lang talaga yan sa 'yo. Your column is like a fuckin ad placement. I remember when you celebrated your birthday at McDonald's, and your column's colors were red and yellow. Di naman masyadong halata na binayaran ka ng malaki ng McDo diba?

Rumor has it that T.I.M Y.A.P. (Tang-Inang Mukha Yan Ang Pangit) is talking to The Philippine Star. I hope the Star doesn't take him in. He has no talent, a fashion victim, a bad writer, a bad host and a sleazeball!

I wonder what his beau, Victor Basa, has to say about all this?

NIGEL BARKER EXCLUSIVE

Just heard this from a very reliable source who got to interview Nigel Barker at the Quezon Ballroom of the Makati Shangri-La.

When asked about what he thought of the models who appeared before the show started, namely Isabel Roces, Bianca Valerio and Rissa Samson, this is what he had to say:

"Filipina women are very beautiful, but I do know that you guys aren't really blessed with the height, especially for modeling. I was very surprised to know that the small one is an established fashion model here."

And we all know who the small one is. Hardehar.

MAAWA KA ELLEN

Everytime I drive on Edsa towards the South, di ko alam kung dapat akong matawa, matakot, masuka or lahat sabay sabay.

I'm sure most of you have seen this hideous billboard along Edsa. And the reason why I'm sure is because I know you can't miss it. Kahit na iwasan mo pa ng tingin, imposibleng hindi mo makita ang halimaw na ito.

It's a billboard OF Ellen FOR Ellen's Skin Care. Di ko talaga gets kung bakit sya pa ang napili nyang image model ng business nya.

She doesn't even look young. She obviously had so much done, she looks so creepy, na tipong pag tumawa sya, mapipigtas lahat ng mga sinulid sa mukha nya and tatanda sya ulit right before your eyes. May maeenganyo kayang magpa-service sa clinic nya kung ganyan ang kalalabasan?

May budget naman syang pang billboard, so bakit di sya kumuha ng model?

I'm sure madami na syang narinig about her billboard, so bakit dedma lang sya? Madami kayang pwedeng maaksidente at posible pang mamatay dahil sa kanya no. Kahit trafik pa, may mababanggat-mababangga dahil sa lecheng billboard na yan. Potah, habang asa trafik nga ako, may nakita akong magka-barkada na girls na nabangga sa bus kasi pinag-uusapan nila yung billboard with matching tingala and point!

Ah alam ko na kung bakit sya ang napili nyang image model ng business nya! She's the actual menu of services ng clicnic nya! Ah wagi naman pala eh! Parang walking menu at billboard diba?

Di ko tuloy maintindihan kung ano ang purpose ng picture nya. Tularan o wag tularan? Successful operation o mishap? Before or after? On a budget or the works? Babala ba ito sa mga may planong magpa retoke?

At ang pinaka panalo pa jan, ang copy ng billboard na ito ay "FACE LIFT. No surgery. No injections. SPR treatment." Wow, feeling nya siguro ang linis ng gawa ng retoke sa kanya no?

Adik siguro 'tong lolang 'to.

At di ko din kinaya ang suot nya dito ah, neon yellow tank na plunging! Buti pa si Belo, kahit na mejo nagiging nakakatakot na din ang looks nya dahil sinubukan na nya yata lahat ng services nya, ng sabay sabay, at least mejo bata pa sya compared to this driftwood no! It's like seeing Victor Wood in a Bench Body ad! Yaaaaaaaaaaak!

Mareng Ellen, i-untog mo na sa pader ang ulo mo please lang. Maawa ka naman sa kamaynilaan.

Madami ng problema ang Pilipinas, wag mo ng dagdagan.

KALA NYO NO?!

Hay salamat at hindi nanalo 'tong tatlong gagong 'to.

Kala nyo siguro dahil sikat kayo, easy win kayo no? Not!

I have to admit, I actually thought at least Manny would win. Hindi din pala. Thank God!

May utak na din pala ang masa ngayon. I thought the day would never come.

Kasi naman kayo, it's not enough to be a celebrity to win in the elections no. Smart na tao ngayon.

It doesn't mean that if you're a hero in the movies, you'll also be a hero in politics. Ano ba plano mo Manny? Pagsusuntukin mo mga tao kung ayaw sumunod sayo?

Bakit di nyo gayahin si Kiko Pangilinan? Pinakasalan na lang nya ang Megastar para naman di lantaran ang pag gamit ng celebrity ng isang tao. Eh di wagi sya! Mascot na nga nya si Mega, financier pa! At it also doesn't hurt na sikat din ang anak ni Mega na si KC! Well done Kiko!

THE HELL?!

WTF?!