ALL FINGERS

The ball is dropping, and I hate it.

I hate firecrackers, I swear. Fireworks I'm cool with. But firecrackers? I think they're stupid.

It's a stupid tradition, and I only have the Chinese to blame. Thanks to them, Pinoys believe in that casting away evil spirits mumbo jumbo.

Ang ingay kaya. My pets are scared to death. I'm afraid that one of my dogs might have a heart attack.

And my Dad had to get that sinturon ni Hudas kind. I hated that since I was a kid. I hated firecrackers since I was an infant.

Isn't it literally your money going up in flames? Buti kung mura 'diba? Ang mahal na nga, ang ingay pa. And it's bad quality pa. I remember my cousin's arm caught fire when a 'labentador' exploded in front of him. And to top it all off, it wouldn't be nice to start the new year without all your fingers and toes. Always remember that.

I miss those TV ads they air from previous years where they show the New Year mishaps. That was very effective. It scared the bejesus out of everyone. Including the adults.

Maybe this will jog everyone's memory. Not for the weak of heart. http://www.thechumslick.com/media/blogs/thechumslick/FirecrackerInjury.jpg

Thank you everyone for making 2007 such a great to bash!

Special thanks goes out to Ruffa Gutierrez, Gretchen Barretto, Tim Yap, Kris Aquino, PMAP, Ellen's Skin Care, 'coz if not for them, the year would've been so boring, and I wouldn't have anything to write about.

So keep it up, and here's to more of your cheap and unsavory career moves!

Thanks to my readers whoever you guys are. Let me know who you wanna be bashed ok? Let's gang up on these lowlives. And I promise to update my blog more often for you guys.

Happy New Year everyone! And may we all not be as poor as a rat this coming year.

THE C STRING?

Of all the creepy things to come out in the market, this I think takes the cake.

I know all women think this is a god send, but come on. It's like one sneeze away from going commando. Wouldn't using a napkin be so much cheaper?

And I think it'd be more comfortable too. This I think feels like you got a hanger wrapped around your garden.

I never thought having the panty lines bothered women this much. I never minded the pantylines. I just carefully choose the texture and thickness of the fabric, of both the thongs and the skirt or pants.

And what is up with the tail like end of the C string? It's like having a bad hair day, only it's stuck between your cheeks, and a pinch can't even fix it.

EEEEEEEWWW!

Found this on YouTube. And frankly, I wish I hadn't.

Yaaaaaaak! Ito na ang ultimate definition ng feeling cute! Kadiri! Pa-kyut! Pakyut! Pakyu!

Kung sino ka man, parang awa mo na! Lubayan mo na kami please!

Actually, madami pa syang ibang videos. Pero di ko kakayaning makakakita ng isa pa. Baka bangungutin ako sa gabi.

Kakasuka.

PREVIEW NOVEMBER 2007 ISSUE

I know Preview always comes out with fantastic covers.

This is their November 2007 cover. Maganda naman. I'm not crazy about it. It's OK. Paki-takpan lang ang mukha ng asa cover.

Although gets ko na din kung bakit ganito ang cover. Halloween issue nga pala.

Sa tinagal-tagal nya sa showbiz, iisa pa din ang mukha nya. Proof alone na she's a bad actress.

Di ko maintindihan kung problemado sya dito or what.

NO SUCH THING

My friends have been asking me why I haven't bashed Kris Aquino in my blog yet.

I told them I will, I just didn't have the time yet. Besides, I have better things to do.

Now that I found some time to do some severe tongue lashing, let's get it on.

I HATE KRIS AQUINO. As in. Yung tipong pag makasalubong ko sya sa labas, baka bigla ko na lang sya sampalin, or buhusan ng asido. Ganyan ko sya ka-hate.

Does she even have any good qualities? She's a bad host, a bad daughter, a bad actress, a disgrace to the country and her clan, a home wrecker, a terrible singer, a fashion victim (I have Ms. Kate Torralba to thank for that), she's not even funny, and she's not even pretty!

And how dare her to pull an Oprah Winfrey with her "K" magazine. Feeling mo no! As if everyone wants to know everything about her. Why buy the magazine when all you gotta do is turn on the TV?! She loves the attention, and everything is on TV for everyone to see.

I read this interview with John Lapuz, and he says he never bought a single laptop. All his laptops were hand me downs from Kris. Minsan daw, 1 month pa lang nagsawa na si Kris sa laptop nya, and nagpalit agad. Alam na natin ngayon kung bakit close si John kay Kris. I'm sure yan lang ang reason bakit madaming friends si Kris. I can't even imagine being friends with her. Baka mapatay ko lang sya.

I also heard that Korina Sanchez hates Kris too, and their show before, Kris and Korina, was all a big joke. I knew something was up. Korina wouldn't click with someone like Kris.

Kaya nga siguro nagka ganyan ang anak nyang si Joswa eh. Sira-ulo kasi ang nanay.

All those stories you've heard about her are true. That story about a mom and her pamangkins who went backstage to have a picture with her? How bratty and diva-ish she gets during shoots? How she's late for her tapings and never apologizes? Yes folks, she is a bitch. Sobrang sama ng ugali, na even Tita Cory cringes. And that's even understating it. You gotta find a whole new word for her breed.

Ever wonder why her cheeks are so red, na para na syang doll with a red circle on each cheek? Tanong nyo si Bambii Fuentes. Yan daw ang gusto ni Donya Kris, na magmukha syang manika. Eh bakit voodoo doll ang kinalabasan?

And just look at these endorsements: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kris_Aquino#Commercial_endorsements

Hindi ba dapat ang endorser yung hinahangaan at tinitingala? Someone you wanna be? Yung idol mo?

As if gumagamit sya ng San San, Whitekat, Kissa, Xando, Greenex, at Kiwi. I'm sure nung inalok sa kanya ang products na 'to, isang malakas na "Ano iyon?" ang tanong nya. And don't you just hated that San Miguel ad of hers with Derek Ramsay? The one where she's driving a sports car? Yaaaaak! Para namang na-disguise sya mabuti no. Eh bibig pa lang na parang na-stroke alam mo nang sya eh. And yung with Manny naman. Kris Aquino drinking Pale Pilsen? Perish the thought!

And now she has 2 inspirational albums out, and from what I heard, nag platinum daw yung unang volume?! Pu#$%*&na! Ang hirap na kaya magka platinum award nowadays! Not even Gary, Regine or Martin have had platinum albums in the recent past. Binaba na nga yung album count ng mga awards kasi mahirap ng ma-achieve. Anong kahibangan ito?

I even know of people who boycott all the products she endorses! Buti na lang at maka-Red Ribbon ako at hindi Goldilocks.

Nakakaawa actually si James Yap. I mean come on, sure he's not hot, but he's a baller, and to most women, that's hot enough. I'm sure madaming babae yan na kinakalantaran no. And I actually believe that woman who allegedly had sexual relations with him.

Paano ba naman, to be locked up in a house with Kris? To endure her irritating, whining, high pitched pathetic excuse for a voice? Papatuyuin ko na lang ang mga mata ko with a hair dryer. I'm sure under si James kay Kris no. Sa english pa lang, talo na si James eh. I don't think he'd get into any argument with her. "Yes" lang lagi ang sagot nya.

There must be a reason why James even married her in the first place. Is it the money? Grammar lessons? Maybe she's a fireball in bed. Maybe Kris's caterwauling actually gets him off.

And why is she still here? Why does she still continue to get these endorsements? Why do her CDs and magazine sell? Why does she still have shows? Because there is no such thing as bad press, and she knows this. She can manipulate the public in believing anything she says. You would think having STD would be the end of her, but no. It even upped her price.

She's such a piece of work, isn't she?

We live in such a twisted society. Where Ruffas, Gretchens, Kriss, Tims and Robbys reign supreme. Where an easy way out for most youngsters is modeling and joining PBB. Where it's cool to be seen in Embassy, and it's fashionable to wear Havaiannas. Where malls open the very next day after it gets bombed. Where it's cool to have braces and to be seen in society pages. Where complaining about racism is considered OA. Where people worship labels and designers. Where cars and cellphones dictate your place in society. That's why I don't and will never have kids here in Manila. I might have them here, but never raise them here.

I miss the old days when we appreciated the simpler things in life. Now the simpler things in life are clouded by things the media makes us believe we need. And we take the bait. Nagpapakagago naman ang mga tao. Now that's good marketing.

Try stripping yourself off of these things, you'll realize you didn't need them in the first place.

NAKAKAHIYA!

Nakakahiya ka Christian ha.

Sana man lang nag rehearse ka muna no.

Akala mo siguro may teleprompter sa boxing ring.

Another classic case of a performer being too over confident.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES BROUHAHA

I have been keeping mum about this whole issue.

Heck, I even kept zip about the whole issue with Ms. Piggy Fernandez. She got what she deserved so there.

I gotta admit, I am affected by it. Aside from having family and friends in the medical field, it also hit me by simply being Pinoy.

And the comment wasn't even about color or language or corruption, it was about our abilities. The show undermined the whole country's medical abilities, while the US truly knows that a great big chunk of their medical community consists of Asians, particularly Filipinos. Kaya nga nag-aalisan ang mga nurses and doctors natin eh, kasi mas appreciated and compensated sila sa US.

I have been keeping tabs on some blogs we are all familiar with, on what they would say about the whole issue, and what their readers say as well.

Magsama-sama sila. Puro kayo mga bulag na nakatira sa kanya kanyang mundo.

A blogger even said that we should be happy that the show even knows that the Philippines exists. Napaka-liit naman ng tingin mo sa Pinas kapatid.

And sure it's true that we all are guilty of making jokes about other races, but that one was on prime time tv, and a huge show at that. Sure we also use racist jokes in our shows, but that's just shown here in the PI. Not around the world for everyone to hear.

I am leaving Teri Hatcher out of this of course. 'Coz she was just reading her script.

The Philippines is known around the world for so many things, and we deserve that recognition.

Way back in 1988, Cameron Mackintosh and his crew specifically wanted a Manila stop for the auditions of Miss Saigon, because they have heard wonderful things about Manila's musicians. Since casting Pinoys in the production, which made up about 70% of the whole cast, most theater producers make it a point to hold Manila auditions. Lea Salonga actually put us BACK on the map again.

Film outfits, namely Warner Bros., Paramount, Walt Disney, and Pixar, have numerous Pinoys working for them. Did you know that a Pinoy was also one of the chief animation artists for The Matrix?

Our films, directors, screenwriters and local actresses have been getting international awards every now and then.

Brad Pitt even applauded Ricky Lo during an interview, saying he was the most professional reporter he has ever met. Because Ricky asked questions only about what he was there for, about Brad's movie. He didn't even ask one question about Angelina or Jennifer.

Rafe Totengco, Monique Lhuiller and Josie Natori are all Pinoys who have made it big in the US. Throw in Bea Valdez and Amina Aranaz, whose creations are featured in magazines and shows.

The jeep is even an icon. Our mangoes are the best, and our furniture is everywhere in the world. Even Brad Pitt owns pinoy furniture! Ever been to one of those furniture fairs where all the stuff is for export and everything is Pinoy made? You will be floored when you see them. Their products have been featured and used in Martha Stewart Living, Domino, movies and TV shows! I actually had goosebumps when I was there at the trade fair.

And we know very well that Imelda Marcos too, in her own little way, made us popular. I mean she's in the Oxford Dictionary for crying out loud! "Everybody has a little Imelda in them" posters are also all over the US.

And the following is a partial list of pure and part Filipinos, who are all proud of their Filipino heritage:

Rob Schneider, Tia Carrere, Lou-Diamond Philipps, Ernie Reyes Jr., Phoebe Cates, Chili (TLC), Foxy Brown (rapper), Anna Bayle (model), Sharon Leal (Dreamgirls), Alec Mapa (Friends and Desperate Housewives), Vanessa Minillo (MTV TRL), Jenn Cuneta (singer, "Come Rain Come Shine"), Victoria Principal (actress), Victoria Recaño (The Insider), Anna de Tagle (Hannah Montana), Tamlyn Tomita (Joy Luck Club), Billy Crawford, Jocelyn Enriquez, Vanessa Hudgens (HS Musical), Enrique Iglesias, Nicole Scherzinger (Pussycat Dolls), Mutya Buena (Sugababes), Allan Pineda (Black Eyed Peas), Cheryl Burke (Dancing With The Stars), Chad Hugo (Neptunes), Cassie (singer, "Me and You"), Whilce Portacio (artist).

More at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Filipino_Americans.

So pwede ba, kilala ang Pilipinas no. So don't you guys dare say na hindi tayo kilala, at walang nakakaalam kung asan ang Pilipinas. If you don't know any of these, I don't think you can even call yourselves Filipino.

The people who didn't even feel a thing about this issue, are people who live in their own little worlds, and not a care for the soil they step on. They think we're all over reacting, we're pikon, and we've lost our sense of humor.

Hay I don't even have the energy to lash out on these people. It's a waste of time.

Kung wala kayong bilib sa Pinoy, lumayas na lang kayo and sa ibang bansa na lang kayo manirahan.

The space you're occupying is better off with someone more worthy.

GET LOST

Hi everyone. I apologize for not updating my blog.

Apparently, a lot of people think my blog is offensive, one-sided and so over the top.

And they also wonder why I can't even reveal my identity when I'm so blatant and brutal with my topics and comments.

It made me think. Maybe the world has too many shit already that a blog about that shit has no room in cyberspace. Life has too many bumps that more happy blogs should be written and created.

It even got me contemplating on closing the blog all together.

And what did I decide on?

Leche sila.

If they don't wanna read the shit in my blog, then they should just go log on to disneyland.com and read that. And cut your arm with a nailcutter while you're at it.

I put this blog up to rant about the shit in this world, and apparently, many people agree with me too.

So to whoever gets offended by this blog, kiss my ass.

BE BENCH WINNERS

Regine Angeles and Carlo Guevarra

I told you so.

Some people owe me some cash...

WHY GOD WHY?!

What is the world coming to?

Source: http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/lifestyle/lifestyle/view_article.php?article_id=85698

As if taking its cue from these laws of attraction, the ultra-progressive and fashion forward label Folded & Hung collaborated with Manila’s oft-controversial pop icon and poster child for the “think rich-be rich” generation, Tim Yap.

Just like his exuberant personality, the Theme:Yap limited-edition graphic shirts are bold, surreal and stylish, loudly and unapologetically proclaiming messages such as “Filthy Rich,” “Big Spender” and “Don’t Hate Me, Envy Me.” (I can already hear the keyboard sounds from bloggers everywhere… whatever!)

Do they actually think these photos are cool?

And to call him the poster child for the "think rich be rich" generation is absurd! 'Coz he's more of the "think rich sleep with the bosses" generation. At least they got it right by calling him "child". The author clearly wasn't sure of his gender.

He is what's wrong with the generation of today. I remember reading an article about young prostitutes, who come from good schools, and why they got into it. One answer struck me, "Kasi gusto ko makabili ng iPod".

All he does is flash some bling, party all night, and extort money from youngsters who don't know any place better other than that pathetic excuse for a club called Embassy.

He is not someone people should be looking up to. He should be an example of someone you wouldn't wanna turn out to be.

And how about this load of crap?

Now here’s the real secret. I believe the bigger statement in all this is Tim’s generosity, which is nothing short of legendary. The irrepressible Tim is, in fact, helping his favorite charity with his new show, GMA 7’s “Celebrity Duets.” Part of his prize money of P1M will go to the Red Cross if he wins. (To vote: Text Duets Tim and send to 2344 for Globe, Sun and TM, 367 Smart and Talk N’ Text.) So he’s not just wearing it on his sleeve!

Easy for him to say, 'coz he ain't winning.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH 5

Stuart Little and Maui Taylor

BE BENCH-AKA

Kawawa naman ang Pilipinas at tila nauubusan na ata ng mga magagandang tao.

I remember talking to someone from Bench who was so proud of the finalists who made it in the Bench Model Search.

They had auditions in Davao, Cebu, Baguio and Manila. At ito lang ang mga nahanap nyo?

I find it hard to believe na nag nationwide search kayo at yan lang ang mga napili nyo.

Inaaay, mas madami pa akong mahahanap na mas ok na pagala gala sa labas bumibili ng suka.

Actually, if you look at the semi-finalists, there are lots there who should've made the finals, not these butt faces.

Tignan mo nga si Precious?! Walang nagawa ang photography at make-up sa kanya. Buti na lang eliminated na sya. Bakit ba naging finalist 'yan?!

Si Michelle naman, chekwa na chekwa, at panga kung panga!

And don't even get me started with the boys! P-utang na loob naman... yung Kerbie, John at Joey, san nyo napulot 'yan?! Mas gwapo pa driver namin jan eh! I would even screw my driver because he's hot! I wouldn't touch these guys with a ten foot pole! Mukha silang mga kargador sa pier! Native na native!

Kamusta naman ang adik look ni Kerbie? Eh ang friendster look ni John? At ang SM bagger image ni Joey?

My bet sa girls would be either Regine or Kristine. Si Rachel sana, kaya lang eliminated na sya. She looks like a better version of Isabel Oli pa naman. Regine has an Angel Aquino look to her.

Sa boys, clear winner si Carlo.

Remember, they're also looking for a bench model slash ABS-CBN artista. So ang mananalo diyan, may star factor dapat. Actually, mas mataas dapat ang star factor than the model factor.

Ewan ko lang Bench ha, what a disappointment!

Siguro na-off ang mga gusto mag join dahil sa P200 purchase?

OK NA SANA

Pakihanap naman po ang boses ni Lani.

Andyan lang po yan, PAKALAT-KALAT.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH 4

Korina Sanchez and Miss Piggy

SEPARATED AT BIRTH 3

Niecy Nash of Clean House and Reno 911

&

Mau Marcelo of Philippine Idol

UTANG NA LOOB!

I have ranted about this wannabe model search a several posts back, and I must say, they continue to scare the shit out of me.

They have had 10 legs, and now they're on to the finals.

Nakakasuka ang finalists grabe. I can't even pick who's gonna win. Maybe this will be a first for contests na walang mananalo. Lahat talo! Hahaha panalo!

If you're ready for a scare, check out more hideousness at http://styleonefashion.multiply.com.

I swear ang sarap pagbabarilin ang mga ito! Sumasakit ulo ko!

THE PLEASURE OF SUCKING?!

I was watching ETC this afternoon, and was pleased to see a new Chupa Chups TV ad. It was of this girl who rides a bus, and unwraps a Chupa Chups, and starts sucking on it. Seeing this, the rest of the passengers starts sucking on whatever they had with them. Then the girl looks at them, and then everyone stops sucking.

Funny ad I thought. Then the new tag line panned in, "The Pleasure Of Sucking". I was floored. Didn't even know if I read that right.

So I Googled it, and true enough, it is Chupa Chups' latest campaign.

Also checked out out their site, and it even says "Sucking is good for you!"

They even have another TV ad running. Got this from YouTube.

Grabe. I know they're just marketing the common lollipop to not just kids, but I'm sure this campaign was deliberate. So now the marketing strategy "sex sells" applies to lollipops too?

Am I being a prude?

X-DEAL QUEEN?

I had coffee with a friend from a bridal magazine last night. She needed to unwind and whine again about how ironic it was to be unattached and working for a bridal mag. Woe is me.

Anyway, she had a stack of mags with her, and as I was browsing through them, there was this bit about Christine Bersola's "innovative" bridal biz. She preserves bridal gowns and bouquets.

So I was like, "Oh, this is new!" And my friend goes, "Hay, gaya gaya lang 'yan no. At ginaya na lang nga nya, wala pang kwenta. Bersola is one for the books."

Apparently, the first and only one to have this kind of service is The Bridal Conservatory. They have been doing this for almost 6 years, a first in the Philippines, and they have a very impressive clientele.

My friend says that Christine Bersola wanted The Bridal Conservatory to preserve her wedding gown and bouquet, but on x-deal, wherein Bersola would feature TBC on her morning show, Magandang Umaga Bayan, and TBC would preserve Bersola's gown and bouquet for free.

TBC turned it down, and Bersola put up her own Bridal Preservation business. Talk about sourgraping. Industry professionals say hers is such a bad copycat, that it fails miserably. TBC is not threatened at all, and is still doing very well I believe.

Bersola even came out with a wedding video, entitled something like "How To Plan Your Dream Wedding On Less Than P1M." Wedding suppliers' running joke is an answer to that, "Eh di x-deal!"

Another friend of mine from a glossy says that Bersola and Babao's wedding was also a major x-deal. Her souvenirs, food and venue were all free. All she had to do was mention them in her TV and radio shows. I also heard from a reporter that their wedding invitation had like this page of logos of her sponsors. Eeeew tacky! I have yet to see the invite, and if this is true, I'll post it here. Can anyone verify this?

If all this is true, I am so disgusted. I thought Babao's family was well-off? I even saw this celebrity home coverage of their house, and I think I saw Starck numerous times.

I was up really early last week, and when I turned on the radio, it was tuned in to some AM station, with Bersola and Babao on board. She actually promoted her bridal biz on air. She sounded like she didn't know what she was talking about. She said, "Ano nga ba 'yun?" and "Basta" a couple of times. And this was before I had coffee with my friend.

And to top it all off, she's trying to pull a Madge! She's coming out with children's books! Well, at least this is right up her alley, and she's hitting her market really well. I just hope the books are affordable by the masa.

Say it with me everyone. Ka-cheapan!

SEPARATED AT BIRTH 2

Teri Aunor and Tyron Perez

Zanjoe Marudo & Diego of Bubble Gang

MONIQUE DESIGNS FOR BARBIE

Wow Monique. You go girl! Read on everyone.

Monique Lhuillier designs for Barbie
Dress designer Monique Lhuillier launched her first bridal collection 10 years ago, and now she's put a gown on an American icon -- Barbie.

Lhuillier has picked up celebrity clients along the way over the last decade and found herself designing wedding dresses for Natalie Imbruglia, Charlotte Ross and Debbie Matenopoulos.

In 2004, Lhuillier was chosen by more than 300,000 viewers of the "Today" show as having the winning design for Nikki Hensley's wedding dress as part of the "Today Throws a Destination Wedding 2004" series. She also designed 2004 Emmy gowns for winner Allison Janney, and attendees Jamie-Lynn DiScala, Megan Mullally and Famke Janssen.

Lhuillier's rise in the fashion world hasn't been mercurial, but it has been steady, with 2004 proving to be her most productive year. In addition to the gowns designed for the Emmy Awards show, Lhuillier was chosen to design the wedding gown of pop star Britney Spears along with dressing Kevin Costner's bride, Christine Baumgartner.

Hollywood weddings are big tabloid news, but how does wedding designer make her way into the world of collectibles? By being one of the world-class designers who have dressed America's most famous doll.

The list of designers for Barbie include Bob Mackie, Carolina Herrera, Cynthia Rowley, Byron Lars, Nolan Miller, Calvin Klein, Versace, Christian Dior and Lhuillier's wedding gown rival, Vera Wang. The Monique Lhuillier Bride Barbie is the latest fashion-designer creation for Mattel's top-selling doll.