COPYCAT

Was at the mall today, and I saw this new local magazine at National Bookstore. It looked awfully familiar, thought my fave mag which folded 2 years ago is back. Not!

It's the new Men's Lifestyle mag called GARAGE, with Jake Cuenca on the cover. Obvious bang local kasi local ang cover?

I have been a fan of Cargo since it came out, and was able to collect every issue that came out. And I'm a girl sheesh! It featured everything a guy likes, from clothes, cars, grooming, gadgets, electronics, fitness, sports, and sex. Too bad after 2 years, the magazine folded, and I've always wished it would resurrect. Cargo is under Conde Nast by the way, the same publushers of Lucky, Vogue and GQ.

And now we have this copycat from Manila Bulletin. I mean fine, I'm glad MB is KIND OF upping their magazines, out with the old (and I mean PANORAMA) and on with the new (Sense & Style and Sugar Sugar), but please please lang naman. Wala ba kayong originality?

First of all, the size of Sugar Sugar is so Teen Vogue (actually, Seventeen ang unang culprit), and Garage is sooo Cargo.I mean fine, you had to copy an obsure magazine which was never sold in Manila so that you guys won't get caught. But how about people who do know? Like me?

People like me is your mag's market, and you expect me to check out your cheapo rip-off? No thanks.

I'm sorry, but we are in a third world country, and there's not enough stuff to feature in a magazine like yours.

If Cargo didn't make it, what chance does your magazine have?

PHONEY GONZAGA

Someone please explain to me, why this creature is so famous?

She's everywhere! She has endorsements, TV shows, concerts and albums! WTF?!

She's a bad host. Never enjoyed her in that newscrap Wazzup, Wazzup. That show sucked big time. Walang commercial value, and bobo na nga ang kabataan ngayon, lalo nyo pang pinapabobo dahil sa mga show na 'yan!

She's ugly. Iisa lang ang angle ng mukha, and kaya sya pinangalang Toni kasi mukha syang lalake!

She can't sing! Leche, have you heard her cover of Randy Crawford's "One Hello"? Fuck, kakairita ah! Para syang may sipon, na pinasakan ng socks sa bibig nung recording! It was so bad, I swear, she sounded like a bad Jessa Zaragoza. Someone should giver her vocal lessons. I hate her style! Parang ilong nya ang nagka album.

Diba galing lang sya from that Sprite TV ad with Piolo? Yun na yun? Yun na ang basis ng GMA7 para gawing artista 'tong drag queen na 'to?

Sobra ako irita sa kanya with this music video where she's playing an artista. Yaaak kadiri talaga. Feeling maganda. Laki kaya ng nguso nya. Eeeeewww. And iisa lang outfit nya sa video. Ka-cheapan ah. Can't you spring for new outfits honey? Cute pa naman the guy in the music video. Nasayang lang kay Toni.

And she's plastic ha. A friend of mine brought me to this presscon she had for this movie. Had to delete from my memory that day. My friend had to interview her, so when she sat down with us, my friend had to introduce us. After the introduction, I had to get something from my wallet. She said, "How nice naman your wallet." I was like "duh?"

First of all, I hate pa-cute talk from anyone. Secondly, my wallet is cute? It was a simple, rectangular, leather, tan colored, bill fold wallet I bought from HK. Do people even notice wallets? Sure if they're cute, or maybe if they had flashing lights or something. That's how I knew she was plastic. It was like saying, "Ang galing naman, you're wearing shoes!"

Haaay, I give her a few more years, and she's outta here. People are gonna realize that's she has nothing to offer. And then she'll try to go sexy. Maybe the men will take notice. But soon after that, they'll realize the name Toni doesn't really go with someone sexy, and she'll be shot down again. Her only chance to be popular again if she gets knocked up by someone like Erik Santos, Raymond Gutierrez or Boy Abunda. Then she'll try to be all sosyal and hang out with the likes of Ruffa, Gretchen and Kris, and the three girls will stay away from her because she pronounces it "HER-MEES" instead of "ER-MEZ".

And that'll be the end of her. Hopefully.

LIPGLOSS MY ASS

Utang na loob naman. Don't we have enough kabaduyan on pinoy TV already?

It's bad enough that TV 5 is trying to make a comeback (again), but along with this show?! Kadiri ah!

Friends, welcome Lipgloss. The third world interpretation of Gossip Girl.

Kinikilabutan ako as in. The whole cast are unknowns, except for Sam Concepcion (who looks so adorable by the way).

Ang nakakaloka pa dito, ung mga na-cast as mayaman in this show, ang barok mag english ah! Yaaaah! Not one of them is believable. Bakit wala silang mahanap na matinong artista? Malamang mababa ang TF.

As in, I can't even see anyone who has potential to be big in the cast. Aside from the bad styling, the bad voice over at the start of the clip, why the fuck is it called LipGloss? Since when did Chapstick and lipbalm become sosyal? Sana Sebo na lang diba? Or Golden Heart. Or Kanebo.

And the names ha, di ko kinakaya. Linden High? So sa Linden Suites lang pala sila nakatira.

At least there's a new show in town to bash. So thanks TV 5 for new trashy pinoy TV!

WHY GOD WHY?

Is anyone else out there as irritated as I am with this whole scarf trend that's going on?!

I don't get it.

Is this how everyone wants to look like? Like a homeless person? In na ba ang magmukhang rebelde o taong grasa?

Naloka din ako when this "trend" was just starting. Ang nag fefeeling na Puey Quinones had the gall to sell these at his shop at Podium for P800 each. Duh. Kapal ng mukha. Buti kung sya ang nag habi nun diba, di naman. And that was like last April lang. Fast forward to a week ago, I saw these things at SM Hypermart being sold at P88 each. Bwahahaha! Such a clear cut sign na laos na sya, at pang masa sya.

And buti sana kung ginagamit ng nasa lugar diba. Leche, eh tanghaling tapat, naka scarf?! Tumatawid ng kalye, naka tricycle at asa jeep, naka scarf pa din? Tumatagtak na ang pawis, paninindigan pa din ang scarf? Aba, eh di swak pala ang scarf na yan kasi pati ang odor mo eh mala Arabo din!

May mga nakita pa ako sa event recently, leche, naka long sleeves na button down shirt, ung isa naman naka-suit, naka scarf pa din? Argh! Wala ba kayong mga salamin?

I swear, kung pwede ko lang sakalin with their scarves ang bawat tao na nakikitaan ko nyan, I'd be in prison now.

So please, please. If you still wanna wear a scarf, stick with the classic ones, and not this sick one. Punyeta, eh pati nga si Roderick Paulate eh naka ganyan na din no! Hindi ba senyales yan na dapat ng iwasan ang trend na 'to?

Kill them, kill them all! Sunugin ang mga scarves na yan, isama nyo na ang mga nagsusuot!

THE TRUTH ABOUT PINOY IDOL

I have been watching PI (Pinoy Idol or Putang Ina?) since it started, and sure, I did diss the patapon show 'coz it sucked big time. But I saw potential with a handful of its finalists. But since they are being eliminated one by one, I gotta say something again.

The eliminated finalists with potential and some are even ready for the bigtime are Meryl David, Walton Zerrudo, Beverly Ejercito, Jeni Rawole, Mae Flores, and the best one in the lot, Robby Navarro.

PI can blame the voters all they want, but it all boils down to a show that isn't rating. The number of votes is somewhat proportional to its viewership. The show has been running for weeks now, and never has the Goodyear blimp, Raymond Gutierrez, mentioned the prizes at stake and the number of votes cast. Nakakahiya ba to even mention? Siguro nga. I can imagine it now, "After the nationwide vote of 1,000, we are happy to announce that the prizes at stake are as follows: a record deal. That's it. Now let's eliminate someone."

The new set of the Top 12 looks like some cheap beauty pageant or variety show in Taiwan. Louie Ignacio, you should retire. I don't even know why GMA 7 even hired you in the first place. You have very poor taste, and you're highly overrated.

The TV mix of the sound never improved, camera shots still suck, and the judges are still lame. And don't get me started with the host.

Jeni Rawole's elimination was a huge disappointment. Sure, her music won't make it mainstream, but she has obvious class, and her music is sure to hit a certain market. And to top it all off, she was eliminated the same week Bagyong Frank hit her hometown, Iloilo. The whole of Iloilo didn't have electricty, and I'm sure the mobile signals were down too. So it was very unfair for her to be eliminated based on votes alone. Why didn't Fremantle take a cue from Philippine Idol? The same thing happened back then, with Milenyo. They made the same week a non-elimination week, but 2 will be eliminated the next week. That's how it should have been done this year. Apparently, Fremantle just shrugged their shoulders and said, "too late". It would have been interesting to have Jeni on the show, with the themes starting. Imagine a jazzy version of a Jose Mari Chan hit. Now that's class and talent.

Frankly, I am sick and tired of this never ending ratings race between GMA 7 and ABS-CBN. Since PDA started, Pinoy Idol, especially Pinoy Idol extra, turned into this soap, and obviously took advantage of its finalists. They began to have challenges, started to provoke its finalists, and even manipulated their interviews with editing. (read: Robby Navarro was a Pinoy Idol victim).

He was the best vocalist in the whole competition, all three judges agreed. I know Wyngard does, he just won't admit it. Yes, he had a bad night with his last performance, "The Greatest Love of All", but the judges didn't pin him down. So what happened that could've caused him the lowest number of votes? Three words: Pinoy Idol extra. Watch what I mean here.

I was there at Center Stage of the Mall of Asia during the elimination of Robby Navarro. After the taping, you could certainly feel the tension and disappoinment from the whole staff, the other finalists and the audience. Now that the best vocalist was eliminated based on false pretenses, it seems like the rest of the finalists' efforts will all be wasted. 'Coz now they all know that the show is not based on talent AT ALL.

Now let's talk about what other elements can get you that much coveted Pinoy Idol title. MONEY. The show's results is based on text votes ALONE. Meaning it's not the Philippines who decides, it's the finalist who has the most moolah to burn. Two names come to mind, and all finalists would agree, Jayann Baustista and Gretchen Espina. These two have never been in the bottom group, and yes they are pretty, but they suck like hell. If I was a finalist, and had serious cash to burn, I would probably do that too. But I would not be too proud to not admit that a lot are more talented than I am, and it would feel so much better if it was the viewers who voted for me, and not my political clan.

What about looks? We all know that physicality will get you seriously far in this biz. Some people even have to sleep with certain people to get to the top, but I'm reserving that for another post. I'm talking about Daryl Celis. Yes he is a cutie, and that face of his has made him move on to the Top 9, he was the 2nd to the bottom last week, but how could he win over Robby? His singing is not that hideous, but it's not that great either. Honestly, I would choose to look at his face the whole night than hear him sing. Enough said. Almost all the finalists agree on this. See for yourself.

Alright so let's see. So far we've got money, looks, and intrigue. Anything else? The judges' opinions? You all know that the judges' opinions don't matter because this competition is based solely on votes. WRONG. What if there was someone over and above the three judges who calls almost all the shots? Someone who cares so much about packaging and the finalists' past that he/she doesn't even care about talent anymore. Something to think about huh?

Wanna rant and rally for a wildcard? Wish to bring Robby, Mae, Meryl, Jeni and Walton back?

Email and flood the GMA7 and Fremantle people at these email addresses:

Viola.Fuchs@fremantlemedia.com

geraldine.bravo@fremantlemedia.com

rommel.gacho@gmail.com

sop@gmanetwork.com

theagomezpollisco@yahoo.com

PINOY IDLE

Yes I know dear readers, I have been on hiatus for months now, and I do apologize for not dishing out piping hot bash worthy people, but I will try to get back on track. Been so busy with my own life, I didn't have the time to diss!

But with this one, I just can't keep my mouth shut. I have to say something about this.

If you guys didn't know already, Pinoy Idol has been airing for about a month and a half now since the audition tapes, and the Top 24 has been performing for 3 weeks now. And 8 contestants have already been eliminated since.

So why this post? It's not about the contestants. It's the show itself.

Lemme start with Raymond "Goodyear Blimp" Gutierrez.

Tangina naman. Bakit naman sya ang host? Has he even proven himself as a good host to deserve that job? And can't you guys be a little more discreet? I can smell Anabelle Rama's handiwork all over this.

He's a bad host, who has nothing good to say, who is obviously reading the prompter, who's so gay that it's chapping my ass, and is a walking tub of lard!

Trying pa talagang magsuot ng neutral colors and form fitting clothes. Kapatid, walang effect. Butanding pa din ang itsura mo no. Di na kayo mukhang kambal ni Richard. Malayong malayo na. Argh! I would take Maurice Arcache to host anything over this fag any day!

Now the judges.

Ogie Alcasid. So far ok ka naman. Kaya lang, I feel like you don't ever wanna sound like the bad guy. Lagi kang may kambyo. "You know may konting pitch problems, but you know what, I liked it!" Strap on a pair Ogie! It's either you liked it, or you don't. Most of these contestants are amateurs, so cut them some slack. Some of them are pros, but still have to deal with the pressure of performing in live TV. So maybe you could hold off on being too technical until the Top 12 comes. 'Coz then you can say that by now, they should've learned already how to contain the nerves, and just perform. Although I have new found respect for you Ogie. Lasalista ka nga.

Jolina Magdangal. It's so obvious that she was made a judge para manuod fans nya sa kanya, para tumaas ang ratings ng show. Wala kang kwenta iha. Wala kang K magsabi ng mga "walang dating", "di ka nag iimprove", "ang sama ng diction mo", kasi ikaw mismo eh mga problema mo yan na di mo na na-correct. At ining, ang "thumbs up" ay hindi comment pwede ba.

Wyngard Tracy. Now where do I start with this relic trainwreck? Unang una, di ka kumakanta lola, kaya wala kang karapatan magsabi ng mga "flat" at "sharp". Kaya ka tuloy binabara ni Ogie, dahil wala ka namang tenga ng singer, kaya shut up and fly na lang tanda, please lang. And pwede ba, stop criticizing their clothes! Ang pagalitan mo yung mga stylist na walang kwenta! If you have nothing to say, just keep it that way. Don't try to be witty, because you're not. TH ka magpatawa ate. You'll never be Simon Cowell, so please don't try to be him.

And now the so-called "director", Louie Ignacio. Now this guy just doesn't get it. Chaka ng direction mo mare. Kasing chaka ng buhok at kutis mo. Di naman kasi music video ang TV show eh, kelangan ba pare-pareho ang treatment? Kahit na gano kadaming ilaw ang idagdag mo sa set na yan, kita pa din ang mga chismis ng kutis ng mga judges at contestant no! Ang harsh ng mga ilaw mo, at least man lang wag i-close up di ba? Para namang nananadya ka nyan eh, para maeliminate yung contestant na chaka ang skin. Diba sa mga artista, may mga special request sila sa mga kuha nila, why can't it be the same for these contestants? Kasi nobody sila ganun ba? Ay politika nga naman. Chaka ng mga pag pan, chaka ng ilaw, chaka ng editing, chaka ng set, chaka ng mga angulo, chaka ng mga kitang-kitang mga shadow ng camera man, chaka ng mga graphics at font, chaka ng sound, chaka ng recap, chaka ng lahat talaga! Chaka mo Louie!

Pati ang website, day, di man lang real time. At wala pang kalaman-laman. Ano bang klase yan? Para lang masabing may website. Potah, sara nyo na yan. Mabuti pa ung mga blogs jan, puspusan ang pag uupdate, at may real time updates pa. Tinalo pa kayo. Loschina.

PI should stand for Putang Ina. Hoy GMA, gising!

Pati pangalan at spelling ng mga contestant, kinailangan pa bang palitan? Kasi para magtunog cool ganun? Kasi mejo di kagandahan ang mga tunog ng names nila ganun? Sana palitan nyo na lang pag nanalo na diba? Ang kapangit-pangit na pangalan na Jonalyn Viray nga di nyo pinalitan eh no! Walang pakialaman!

And alam nyo ba, na dahil sa sobrang baba ng ratings ng Pinoy Idol, at dahil walang bumoboto, they had to manipulate the votes and eliminated some of the good ones? Tama ba yun? Walang konsensya talaga ang GMA7. Didn't you even think of the kind of trauma that would cause the contestants you eliminated? Para lang tumaas ang ratings, deadma sa feelings ng ibang tao.

And napansin nyo din ba na never pa sinasabi kung ilan ang nag cast ng votes? Kasi baka 1000 lang, baka lower pa. Well, if sabihin nila na 1M votes ang na-cast, as if maniniwala tayo diba?

This show is such a disgrace to the American Idol franchise. Good luck na lang kung may 2nd season pa diba.

Fine, nag dadagdag kayo ng mga bagong ilaw, at mga monitor at kung ano pang mga anik-anik, pero diba dapat nung umpisa pa lang yan? Ano yan, so mapapanuod na lang namin ung pinakamandang show sa last episode? Kalokohan.

Like I've been telling people, palabas yan eh. Kelangan kumita. Kaya gawin na lahat para happy ang AI, happy ang sponsors, happy ang tao, sad ang contestants. Kaya magtanggal na lang ng mga magagaling na contestant, para may gulpi de gulat na episode diba, para mapansin. Marketing nga naman.

Yang mga stylist na yan, ang sarap din pagbababarilin. Wala ng alam kung hindi neutrals, stripes, layering, bangles at belt. Gumagamit lang ng kulay pag mag production number.

Di man lang pansinin na hindi flattering sa contestant ang mga pinapasuot nyo. Kayo namang mga contestant, matuto naman kayo mag reklamo no. Mukha na nga kayong mag gogolf, di pa kayo magsasalita. You should have the last say on what you're gonna wear, because it will definitely affect your performance in the smallest way. It won't hurt to suggest you know, and maybe meet halfway. Huwag kayo matatakot magsalita and mag complain. The stylists don't know everything. And remember, artists kayo. Before you entered the competition, may kanya kanya na kayong identity.

A competition based on text voting will never work in the Philippines. Why? Ang Pinoy, kahit na kapitbahay ng pinsan ni chever, kahit di personally kilala, at di naman alam kung may kagalingan o hindi, iboboto pa din.

And aminin na natin, ang nananalo sa mga contest na yan ay laging may itchura, secondary na lang ang talent. Swerte na lang kung both diba. Kasi nga naman, asa GMA 7 ka na diba, eh if lugmok ang singing career mo, gagawin ka na lang artista ng GMA diba? Kelangan ka mapag kakitaan eh. Iilan lang ba ang nanalo na walang fez? Si Frenchy lang ata ang alam ko na ganun, pero the rest, laging at least may itchura. Kaya tama na ang kahibangan.

Wag ng magbalak ng mga ganyang contest. Yung judges na lang ang mamili ng mananalo para tapos na. Tutal, kaya nga kayo nilagay dyan dahil supposedly you guys know best. So why leave it to the people? They don't know any better.Sayang lang ang oras at talent ng mga contestant kung ieexploit nyo lang.

Yun lang pow. Sumakit ulo ko dun 'nyeta. Tubig nga.

IT'S A TIE

Just when you thought si Ellen lang ang pagmumulan ng lahat ng sakuna sa Edsa, may gusto pa atang kumalaban.

Hay, you gotta have Faith nga naman!

It's the billboard to her Valentine show called "Faith Sings Sinatra". It's located along Edsa, just after you get on the Santolan fly-over.

My camera couldn't zoom in on the billboard well while I was driving. First, it was too far. Second, it was so small, it seemed like a huge poster, and not a billboard. And third, I couldn't get the camera to stop shaking 'coz I was laughing so hard.

So you understand I had to find the picture, and fortunately for us dear readers, Faith's blog is open to the public, and this image is her banner. Big mistake.

Di ko maintindihan ang picture as in. Para syang nasunog, na inaantok ang make-up artist nya, at mukhang nagkamali sya at nainom nya ang Botox! What the hell were they thinking?!

And that frock, goodness! Is that like some 5th grader or maid's uniform?

And the hair! Bakit parang 18th century ata ang interpretation nila kay Sinatra?

Tapos parang may sore eyes pa ata sya. Siguro feeling nung nag retouch nito, "Tangina pare, ang galing ko talaga mag-Photoshop! Iba talaga ako! Da bam ako pare!"

OMG! I just realized! Buo na ang pamilya!

Kelan kaya ang reunion?

KILL ME NOW

Ang buhay nga naman.

Kung kelan ka nananahimik, na walang ka-probleproblema, bigla kang gugulatin.

Pinalampas ko na nga 'tong mga album na linabas ni Teta eh. At least di sya kumanta. Intros lang and spoken words I think. But the songs were recorded by real singers. I even heard na most of the artists who worked on this album didn't know it was for Kris, kasi baka daw walang pumayag.

And why call it have her name on the CD kung di naman sya kumanta? The second one even says, "Kris Aquino's Brand New Album". Duh. Napaka misleading no. And as usual, madami na namang nagpaloko dito.

And if those weren't bad enough, here's the newest disgrace to hit the record bars:

Bleeeeech! Nakakadiri! Manila is terribly screwed up for supporting this hideous creature!

Tama bang ito ang sumalubong sa Valentine's Day? Dapat Halloween linabas ang CD na to!

Punyeta! BFF nga silang dalawa ni Teta! Di ko na kaya to as in.

Please lang, wag na kayo bumili nito. Si April Boy, Renz Verano at Mystika na lang, wag lang 'tong dalawang 'to!

You will all make the world a safer place if you do not buy this CD. And it will also show that you have excellent taste. And that you're not stupid.

I NOW HATE CORNED BEEF

Why is this scary thing so famous here in the Philippines?

He's an old, old, gay man with bad teeth, bad skin, bad hosting skills, bad attitude, bad breath (so I heard), and bad managerial skills (he owns Backroom).

I have boycotted ABS-CBN altogether because of 2 people: Kris Aquino and this DOM.

I used to hate John Lapuz, but now, he seems alright now that I have someone knew to despise.Why the fuck would Argentina hire him for an endorser? He used to endorse Great Image, but apparently, nagising din sila. As if he even buys Argentina.

And that show of his, Home Boy? Kill me, kill me now! Walang kwenta ang mga topics, the title of the show has nothing to do with the format, and he's definitely not the way to start your day! Sira ang araw mo I'm sure! Parang nagkape ka nga, pero binuhos mo sa mukha mo.I cringe everytime he starts his sentences with "kaibigan". And the way he modulates his voice when he's hosting is so annoying!!! Bring back Butch Francisco please!

He reminds me of this host before, Giovanni Calvo, but that guy's a goner now. And I hope Boy follows soon.

And why the hell would you wanna be managed by this uglyzoid? Leche, eh mas sikat pa sya sa mga minamanage nya eh! If I were some star, I wouln't wanna support his career you know. He's just gonna use your money on his boyfriends!

Ang ABS-CBN nga naman. Ang pinapasikat yung mga walang kwentang tao. Pero yung mga may talent, binabaon sa limot.

Kasalanan din ng Pinoy yan eh. These networks are trippin' with your minds. They make you think these people are cool, when in fact, they're absolute trash!

How could anyone agree to be his boyfriend? Imagine waking up to that hideous face every morning. You'll never get used to it. Oh yeah, money.

With all that money, why can't he have his face fixed? And I just don't mean fix as in repairs and stuff, 'coz I think Belo does that for him now. I'm talking about major renovating and overhauling!

Take him off the air please. I beg you. He doesn't deserve the attention he's getting. He doesn't contribute anything valuable to society. He's just taking up space in this country. And that makes him useless.

If he runs for Senate, I swear I will leave the country. Lokohan na eh.

LOSING HER MAGIC

What is happening to Regine Velasquez? She is clearly losing her touch.

Her last movie with Piolo Pascual tanked. It was expected to be her biggest movie yet, especially since it's opposite Piolo Pascual. Fine, blame it on Ogie's huge announcement via Yes Magazine.

Her last concert, "Ang Ating Awitin", was a disaster.

Her new duet with Jaya, a remake of Joey Albert and Pops Fernandez's "Points Of View", is so terrible, I swear, it makes Pops sound good.

She's often all over the place in SOP, missing her lyrics and walking out in the middle of the show.

I think the Songbird's feathers are shedding one by one.

And honestly, I think she's getting complacent.

Maybe because she knows people will still support her even if she fucks up?

Some people actually blame mismanagement, and the person resposible is her sister, Cacai. Instead of referring to her as "the sister" of Regine, musicians now call her "disaster"of Regine.

And isn't it about time to get all covered up honey? You're getting old, and it shows in your humps.

ALL FINGERS

The ball is dropping, and I hate it.

I hate firecrackers, I swear. Fireworks I'm cool with. But firecrackers? I think they're stupid.

It's a stupid tradition, and I only have the Chinese to blame. Thanks to them, Pinoys believe in that casting away evil spirits mumbo jumbo.

Ang ingay kaya. My pets are scared to death. I'm afraid that one of my dogs might have a heart attack.

And my Dad had to get that sinturon ni Hudas kind. I hated that since I was a kid. I hated firecrackers since I was an infant.

Isn't it literally your money going up in flames? Buti kung mura 'diba? Ang mahal na nga, ang ingay pa. And it's bad quality pa. I remember my cousin's arm caught fire when a 'labentador' exploded in front of him. And to top it all off, it wouldn't be nice to start the new year without all your fingers and toes. Always remember that.

I miss those TV ads they air from previous years where they show the New Year mishaps. That was very effective. It scared the bejesus out of everyone. Including the adults.

Maybe this will jog everyone's memory. Not for the weak of heart. http://www.thechumslick.com/media/blogs/thechumslick/FirecrackerInjury.jpg

Thank you everyone for making 2007 such a great to bash!

Special thanks goes out to Ruffa Gutierrez, Gretchen Barretto, Tim Yap, Kris Aquino, PMAP, Ellen's Skin Care, 'coz if not for them, the year would've been so boring, and I wouldn't have anything to write about.

So keep it up, and here's to more of your cheap and unsavory career moves!

Thanks to my readers whoever you guys are. Let me know who you wanna be bashed ok? Let's gang up on these lowlives. And I promise to update my blog more often for you guys.

Happy New Year everyone! And may we all not be as poor as a rat this coming year.

THE C STRING?

Of all the creepy things to come out in the market, this I think takes the cake.

I know all women think this is a god send, but come on. It's like one sneeze away from going commando. Wouldn't using a napkin be so much cheaper?

And I think it'd be more comfortable too. This I think feels like you got a hanger wrapped around your garden.

I never thought having the panty lines bothered women this much. I never minded the pantylines. I just carefully choose the texture and thickness of the fabric, of both the thongs and the skirt or pants.

And what is up with the tail like end of the C string? It's like having a bad hair day, only it's stuck between your cheeks, and a pinch can't even fix it.

EEEEEEEWWW!

Found this on YouTube. And frankly, I wish I hadn't.

Yaaaaaaak! Ito na ang ultimate definition ng feeling cute! Kadiri! Pa-kyut! Pakyut! Pakyu!

Kung sino ka man, parang awa mo na! Lubayan mo na kami please!

Actually, madami pa syang ibang videos. Pero di ko kakayaning makakakita ng isa pa. Baka bangungutin ako sa gabi.

Kakasuka.

PREVIEW NOVEMBER 2007 ISSUE

I know Preview always comes out with fantastic covers.

This is their November 2007 cover. Maganda naman. I'm not crazy about it. It's OK. Paki-takpan lang ang mukha ng asa cover.

Although gets ko na din kung bakit ganito ang cover. Halloween issue nga pala.

Sa tinagal-tagal nya sa showbiz, iisa pa din ang mukha nya. Proof alone na she's a bad actress.

Di ko maintindihan kung problemado sya dito or what.

NO SUCH THING

My friends have been asking me why I haven't bashed Kris Aquino in my blog yet.

I told them I will, I just didn't have the time yet. Besides, I have better things to do.

Now that I found some time to do some severe tongue lashing, let's get it on.

I HATE KRIS AQUINO. As in. Yung tipong pag makasalubong ko sya sa labas, baka bigla ko na lang sya sampalin, or buhusan ng asido. Ganyan ko sya ka-hate.

Does she even have any good qualities? She's a bad host, a bad daughter, a bad actress, a disgrace to the country and her clan, a home wrecker, a terrible singer, a fashion victim (I have Ms. Kate Torralba to thank for that), she's not even funny, and she's not even pretty!

And how dare her to pull an Oprah Winfrey with her "K" magazine. Feeling mo no! As if everyone wants to know everything about her. Why buy the magazine when all you gotta do is turn on the TV?! She loves the attention, and everything is on TV for everyone to see.

I read this interview with John Lapuz, and he says he never bought a single laptop. All his laptops were hand me downs from Kris. Minsan daw, 1 month pa lang nagsawa na si Kris sa laptop nya, and nagpalit agad. Alam na natin ngayon kung bakit close si John kay Kris. I'm sure yan lang ang reason bakit madaming friends si Kris. I can't even imagine being friends with her. Baka mapatay ko lang sya.

I also heard that Korina Sanchez hates Kris too, and their show before, Kris and Korina, was all a big joke. I knew something was up. Korina wouldn't click with someone like Kris.

Kaya nga siguro nagka ganyan ang anak nyang si Joswa eh. Sira-ulo kasi ang nanay.

All those stories you've heard about her are true. That story about a mom and her pamangkins who went backstage to have a picture with her? How bratty and diva-ish she gets during shoots? How she's late for her tapings and never apologizes? Yes folks, she is a bitch. Sobrang sama ng ugali, na even Tita Cory cringes. And that's even understating it. You gotta find a whole new word for her breed.

Ever wonder why her cheeks are so red, na para na syang doll with a red circle on each cheek? Tanong nyo si Bambii Fuentes. Yan daw ang gusto ni Donya Kris, na magmukha syang manika. Eh bakit voodoo doll ang kinalabasan?

And just look at these endorsements: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kris_Aquino#Commercial_endorsements

Hindi ba dapat ang endorser yung hinahangaan at tinitingala? Someone you wanna be? Yung idol mo?

As if gumagamit sya ng San San, Whitekat, Kissa, Xando, Greenex, at Kiwi. I'm sure nung inalok sa kanya ang products na 'to, isang malakas na "Ano iyon?" ang tanong nya. And don't you just hated that San Miguel ad of hers with Derek Ramsay? The one where she's driving a sports car? Yaaaaak! Para namang na-disguise sya mabuti no. Eh bibig pa lang na parang na-stroke alam mo nang sya eh. And yung with Manny naman. Kris Aquino drinking Pale Pilsen? Perish the thought!

And now she has 2 inspirational albums out, and from what I heard, nag platinum daw yung unang volume?! Pu#$%*&na! Ang hirap na kaya magka platinum award nowadays! Not even Gary, Regine or Martin have had platinum albums in the recent past. Binaba na nga yung album count ng mga awards kasi mahirap ng ma-achieve. Anong kahibangan ito?

I even know of people who boycott all the products she endorses! Buti na lang at maka-Red Ribbon ako at hindi Goldilocks.

Nakakaawa actually si James Yap. I mean come on, sure he's not hot, but he's a baller, and to most women, that's hot enough. I'm sure madaming babae yan na kinakalantaran no. And I actually believe that woman who allegedly had sexual relations with him.

Paano ba naman, to be locked up in a house with Kris? To endure her irritating, whining, high pitched pathetic excuse for a voice? Papatuyuin ko na lang ang mga mata ko with a hair dryer. I'm sure under si James kay Kris no. Sa english pa lang, talo na si James eh. I don't think he'd get into any argument with her. "Yes" lang lagi ang sagot nya.

There must be a reason why James even married her in the first place. Is it the money? Grammar lessons? Maybe she's a fireball in bed. Maybe Kris's caterwauling actually gets him off.

And why is she still here? Why does she still continue to get these endorsements? Why do her CDs and magazine sell? Why does she still have shows? Because there is no such thing as bad press, and she knows this. She can manipulate the public in believing anything she says. You would think having STD would be the end of her, but no. It even upped her price.

She's such a piece of work, isn't she?

We live in such a twisted society. Where Ruffas, Gretchens, Kriss, Tims and Robbys reign supreme. Where an easy way out for most youngsters is modeling and joining PBB. Where it's cool to be seen in Embassy, and it's fashionable to wear Havaiannas. Where malls open the very next day after it gets bombed. Where it's cool to have braces and to be seen in society pages. Where complaining about racism is considered OA. Where people worship labels and designers. Where cars and cellphones dictate your place in society. That's why I don't and will never have kids here in Manila. I might have them here, but never raise them here.

I miss the old days when we appreciated the simpler things in life. Now the simpler things in life are clouded by things the media makes us believe we need. And we take the bait. Nagpapakagago naman ang mga tao. Now that's good marketing.

Try stripping yourself off of these things, you'll realize you didn't need them in the first place.

NAKAKAHIYA!

Nakakahiya ka Christian ha.

Sana man lang nag rehearse ka muna no.

Akala mo siguro may teleprompter sa boxing ring.

Another classic case of a performer being too over confident.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES BROUHAHA

I have been keeping mum about this whole issue.

Heck, I even kept zip about the whole issue with Ms. Piggy Fernandez. She got what she deserved so there.

I gotta admit, I am affected by it. Aside from having family and friends in the medical field, it also hit me by simply being Pinoy.

And the comment wasn't even about color or language or corruption, it was about our abilities. The show undermined the whole country's medical abilities, while the US truly knows that a great big chunk of their medical community consists of Asians, particularly Filipinos. Kaya nga nag-aalisan ang mga nurses and doctors natin eh, kasi mas appreciated and compensated sila sa US.

I have been keeping tabs on some blogs we are all familiar with, on what they would say about the whole issue, and what their readers say as well.

Magsama-sama sila. Puro kayo mga bulag na nakatira sa kanya kanyang mundo.

A blogger even said that we should be happy that the show even knows that the Philippines exists. Napaka-liit naman ng tingin mo sa Pinas kapatid.

And sure it's true that we all are guilty of making jokes about other races, but that one was on prime time tv, and a huge show at that. Sure we also use racist jokes in our shows, but that's just shown here in the PI. Not around the world for everyone to hear.

I am leaving Teri Hatcher out of this of course. 'Coz she was just reading her script.

The Philippines is known around the world for so many things, and we deserve that recognition.

Way back in 1988, Cameron Mackintosh and his crew specifically wanted a Manila stop for the auditions of Miss Saigon, because they have heard wonderful things about Manila's musicians. Since casting Pinoys in the production, which made up about 70% of the whole cast, most theater producers make it a point to hold Manila auditions. Lea Salonga actually put us BACK on the map again.

Film outfits, namely Warner Bros., Paramount, Walt Disney, and Pixar, have numerous Pinoys working for them. Did you know that a Pinoy was also one of the chief animation artists for The Matrix?

Our films, directors, screenwriters and local actresses have been getting international awards every now and then.

Brad Pitt even applauded Ricky Lo during an interview, saying he was the most professional reporter he has ever met. Because Ricky asked questions only about what he was there for, about Brad's movie. He didn't even ask one question about Angelina or Jennifer.

Rafe Totengco, Monique Lhuiller and Josie Natori are all Pinoys who have made it big in the US. Throw in Bea Valdez and Amina Aranaz, whose creations are featured in magazines and shows.

The jeep is even an icon. Our mangoes are the best, and our furniture is everywhere in the world. Even Brad Pitt owns pinoy furniture! Ever been to one of those furniture fairs where all the stuff is for export and everything is Pinoy made? You will be floored when you see them. Their products have been featured and used in Martha Stewart Living, Domino, movies and TV shows! I actually had goosebumps when I was there at the trade fair.

And we know very well that Imelda Marcos too, in her own little way, made us popular. I mean she's in the Oxford Dictionary for crying out loud! "Everybody has a little Imelda in them" posters are also all over the US.

And the following is a partial list of pure and part Filipinos, who are all proud of their Filipino heritage:

Rob Schneider, Tia Carrere, Lou-Diamond Philipps, Ernie Reyes Jr., Phoebe Cates, Chili (TLC), Foxy Brown (rapper), Anna Bayle (model), Sharon Leal (Dreamgirls), Alec Mapa (Friends and Desperate Housewives), Vanessa Minillo (MTV TRL), Jenn Cuneta (singer, "Come Rain Come Shine"), Victoria Principal (actress), Victoria Recaño (The Insider), Anna de Tagle (Hannah Montana), Tamlyn Tomita (Joy Luck Club), Billy Crawford, Jocelyn Enriquez, Vanessa Hudgens (HS Musical), Enrique Iglesias, Nicole Scherzinger (Pussycat Dolls), Mutya Buena (Sugababes), Allan Pineda (Black Eyed Peas), Cheryl Burke (Dancing With The Stars), Chad Hugo (Neptunes), Cassie (singer, "Me and You"), Whilce Portacio (artist).

More at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Filipino_Americans.

So pwede ba, kilala ang Pilipinas no. So don't you guys dare say na hindi tayo kilala, at walang nakakaalam kung asan ang Pilipinas. If you don't know any of these, I don't think you can even call yourselves Filipino.

The people who didn't even feel a thing about this issue, are people who live in their own little worlds, and not a care for the soil they step on. They think we're all over reacting, we're pikon, and we've lost our sense of humor.

Hay I don't even have the energy to lash out on these people. It's a waste of time.

Kung wala kayong bilib sa Pinoy, lumayas na lang kayo and sa ibang bansa na lang kayo manirahan.

The space you're occupying is better off with someone more worthy.

GET LOST

Hi everyone. I apologize for not updating my blog.

Apparently, a lot of people think my blog is offensive, one-sided and so over the top.

And they also wonder why I can't even reveal my identity when I'm so blatant and brutal with my topics and comments.

It made me think. Maybe the world has too many shit already that a blog about that shit has no room in cyberspace. Life has too many bumps that more happy blogs should be written and created.

It even got me contemplating on closing the blog all together.

And what did I decide on?

Leche sila.

If they don't wanna read the shit in my blog, then they should just go log on to disneyland.com and read that. And cut your arm with a nailcutter while you're at it.

I put this blog up to rant about the shit in this world, and apparently, many people agree with me too.

So to whoever gets offended by this blog, kiss my ass.

BE BENCH WINNERS

Regine Angeles and Carlo Guevarra

I told you so.

Some people owe me some cash...

WHY GOD WHY?!

What is the world coming to?

Source: http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/lifestyle/lifestyle/view_article.php?article_id=85698

As if taking its cue from these laws of attraction, the ultra-progressive and fashion forward label Folded & Hung collaborated with Manila’s oft-controversial pop icon and poster child for the “think rich-be rich” generation, Tim Yap.

Just like his exuberant personality, the Theme:Yap limited-edition graphic shirts are bold, surreal and stylish, loudly and unapologetically proclaiming messages such as “Filthy Rich,” “Big Spender” and “Don’t Hate Me, Envy Me.” (I can already hear the keyboard sounds from bloggers everywhere… whatever!)

Do they actually think these photos are cool?

And to call him the poster child for the "think rich be rich" generation is absurd! 'Coz he's more of the "think rich sleep with the bosses" generation. At least they got it right by calling him "child". The author clearly wasn't sure of his gender.

He is what's wrong with the generation of today. I remember reading an article about young prostitutes, who come from good schools, and why they got into it. One answer struck me, "Kasi gusto ko makabili ng iPod".

All he does is flash some bling, party all night, and extort money from youngsters who don't know any place better other than that pathetic excuse for a club called Embassy.

He is not someone people should be looking up to. He should be an example of someone you wouldn't wanna turn out to be.

And how about this load of crap?

Now here’s the real secret. I believe the bigger statement in all this is Tim’s generosity, which is nothing short of legendary. The irrepressible Tim is, in fact, helping his favorite charity with his new show, GMA 7’s “Celebrity Duets.” Part of his prize money of P1M will go to the Red Cross if he wins. (To vote: Text Duets Tim and send to 2344 for Globe, Sun and TM, 367 Smart and Talk N’ Text.) So he’s not just wearing it on his sleeve!

Easy for him to say, 'coz he ain't winning.