TIM YAK!

Now where the hell do I start with this guy? How in the world did a chinese guy, who buckles and almost drools everytime he talks, get in the biz?

I suppose he has some sort of talent, I mean everyone does right? But how come I still haven't seen it?

He calls himself an "eventologist", his cool way of saying "event organizer". How come "eventologist" sounds like someone who puts together animal shows? Like circuses and carnival acts. Is he also a lion tamer by day? Maybe that's his secret talent.

I just don't get why he's up there. I mean sure, he hooked up with one of the The Philippine Daily Inquirer's big bosses. Got himself a pad in wackwack, courtesy of his "boss". He does have a regular column which he fondly calles YAPARAZZI. (for someone who the public sees as creative and witty, can't he think of something better? Like YAPUNZEL, or YAPPING AWAY, or even BRIDGING THE YAP, or something.) So screwing the boss does get you places.

How can someone with no fashion sense at all be called a fashion plate? All I know is that bling, blonde hair, and fur, on an asian guy, will never make any sense. Unless you're a pimp doubling as a bad rahash of some asian boyband. And he's the creative director of PDI's Super? I mean come on! He doesn't even wear any of the stuff in the papers 'coz they're just way too normal for him. How about a white trench coat, with an irritatingly cute Hello Kitty doll stuck to his chest? I used to like Hello Kitty, but now I prefer Felix. And I think Kitty could do better. If Hello Kitty could talk, I'm sure he wouldn't have let Tim put him on his chest. I'm sure it was the most humiliating experience of Hello Kitty's life.

And now he has a show on MTV called BLING. And that poster aaargh! With a crown?! What the fuck do we care about Tim Yap interviewing the socialites and partyphiles of Manila?!

Shows like this promote such a negative principle. They have created this image that if you don't get interviewed by Tim, or your business was never featured in these shows, you just suck. And that's not how it's supposed to be. Not just because you have a show it means you know everything. Not just because you know the big people means you're big yourself. Not just because you're in the papers it means you're a hotshot. It just means there are lots of people out there, stupid enough to actually think that you're someone. And the papers, TV and media are taking advantage of this. Why the fuck would I want a Tim Yap wallpaper for my cellphone? I don't even know a single soul who has a Tim Yap wallpaper. (which only means I hang out with the right people.) Maybe that's what they meant with phone viruses.

And don't get me started on Embassy, which is co-owned by Yak by the way. P600 just to set foot in that hell, where drugs, booze and bad taste come together?! It is not cool to be one of those people. People who go to Embassy are actually the ones to blame for Tim Yap's success. He rakes in thousands of bucks, giving him more money to buy bad taste, laughs his way to the bank everyday, and you guys are out P600 a night, and you didn't even get a single bottle of beer. And an additional P500 to breathe the air of the VIP rooms? I'd rather suck in the stench of the MRT bathrooms.

I have actually talked to some people saying they want to go to Embassy just to see Tim Yap in person. Wow, now that's fucked up. I'd rather see Barney and The Teletubbies do a dance number than see him. Are you people on drugs or something? Oh I forgot, you hang out at Embassy, so yeah, you guys ARE drugged.

I am happy though for the gayness that he's brought into the culture. Never before has a gay guy been in the mainstream as he is. But I'm guessing most homos hate him as well. I think he's a disgrace to the gay community. I have a lot of gay friends, so I know what it is to be gay. But when Tim Yap came about, I was like, "Now THAT'S gay!"

I am sparing Tim's close friends, Tessa Prieto and Celine Lopez. I have met both ladies and they are nice as hell. Tessa, no matter how weird her outfits are, carries those outfits like no one else can. And she candidly admits that she makes her own accessories and buys the materials at Quiapo. Now isn't that nice to hear? No pretentiousness there. That made me like her even more. Celine is also a nice girl. She's very polite, very friendly and would at least smile when you look at her. Sure it might be fake, but at least she's faking it. I'd appreciate that more, not like the brat Tim is.

I'm ending this Tim bashing only because talking about him gives me such a headache, and my stomach churns, and I know that he likes being talked about.

I ain't giving him that satisfaction.