BEGGING 101 NI CHUVANESS

I take it back.

Chuvaness isn't as nice as I thought she was. I'm so shocked with her.

This is something I have to take issue with, and sorry Chuvaness, I have to tell you off with this one.

In her recent post called Begging 101, (which she has taken down by the way) she talks about tips on effective begging, like the beggars actually read blogs. Duh.

The following is her actual post.

Let's break it down:

1) If I give one of you, do not call the rest of the neighborhood and come running to my car, because it will freak me out and I do not have enough money to give all of you. I am not Santa Claus. The scariest thing. One Christmas I was giving away free T-shirts from my dead stock and the kids ran and rocked the van from side to side. I really thought I would die.

Don't you even get it why they act this way? Dahil wala silang makain, at minsan lang mangyari sa kanila yun. They want to share it with the rest because they're all in the same boat. Palibhasa, di mo pa naranasan maghirap, kaya ka ganyan. You have no idea what these people go through, that's why the slightest image of money and food will make them come running.

2) Please do not leave "memories" like handprints, lip prints, saliva on my window.

Kakaloka ka. You expect them to have etiquette and social graces? Bangag ka ate. Di nga nakapag-aral eh, may nalalaman ka pang mga ganyan.

3) Can someone please publish a standardized rate for sampaguita? I'm confused. Sometimes if I give ten pesos, I get one crumby garland. And sometimes if I give ten pesos I get a whole bunch. WTF?

Seryoso ka? I've never complained about what they're selling. I mean I kid about it with them, and they explain, but that's it. Mabuti nga na nagbebenta sila at hindi nagnanakaw. Kung madami kang reklamo, wag mo na lang kunin yung sampaguita, donate mo na lang.

4) Uhm, if you could say thank you, that would be nice.

Sa sobrang gutom at excited ng mga yan, nakakalimutan na nilang mag THANK YOU. Why don't you teach them then? That's what I do, especially the little ones. Before they run off, I say to them, "Uy bata, mag Thank You ka ha?" And they do, and I remind them na dapat ganun lagi. Eh di tapos. Naturuan mo pa sila ng mabuting asal.

5) If you start with a Chrismas carol, please finish the song and do not run away as soon as I give you something.

Eh di patapusin mo muna sa kanta bago ka mag-abot. Walang courtesy yang mga yan, wala ngang napag-aralan eh, kaya kelangan ikaw mag adjust at gumawa ng diskarte ate, para matuto sila.

6) Please do not use the following lines as I have heard it so many times:
a) "Makabenta po lamang."
b) "Pambili po ng baon."
c) "Birthday ko po ngayon." (Kid, it's been your birthday four times this year.)
d) "Makauwi po lamang." (This is a complete lie, because as soon as you buy the whole bunch, the kid goes running to the Mama San for more.)

7) I do go for the line, "Pambili lang po ng pagkain." Very Angela's Ashes.

How could you even call these "lines"? Pucha, you actually think they're making it up? Fine, I can agree with c, but the others might actually be true you know. Grabe ka naman, alam mo, kung talagang gusto mo magbigay, no questions asked yan. Kahit na niloloko ka o hindi, ibigay mo kung talagang ibibigay mo. Wag ng madaming tanong. Sana hindi ka na lang nagbigay. Dami mong arte! Parang P1,000 yung binigay mo diba?

8) Begging does not become you if you have already pubic hair and are stronger than an ox.

Again, walang alam ibang gawin yang mga yan. Walang pinag-aralan, so ni mag secretary or mag delivery boy, eh hindi alam. And do you even have any idea how hard it is to find work out there? I'm sure they've tried to find work, pero wala lang talagang willing mag-hire sa kanila.

9) If I give you a biscuit, candy, T-shirt and there is a long line, please do not ask one for your "kapatid" because I'm not sure if you really have a kapatid and I cannot see that.

Next time na mamimigay ka, make sure you have lots of extras, or better yet, papilahin mo sila para maayos for you. Hanapin mo yung "kapatid" nya kung gusto mo. Hingin mo na din birth certificate nila. Didn't you ever try to make up some lame excuse to get more when you were a kid?

10) Please do not kill each other, and most important, when the light turns green, do NOT run after my car because you could die!!

Di ako sure kung concern ito for the kids, or concern for your car.

P.S. I don't give money to street children sniffing a bag of glue, but I do feel bad for them because I used to think they were mere drug addicts. But I found out glue is something that supposedly kills appetite. They sniff it in lieu of food. That really sucks.

Shouldn't knowing this open your eyes a bit?

Sa susunod, wag ka ng magpopost ng mga ganyan, kasi nakikita yung pagka matapobre mo.

You should go to some outreach or immersion program para maintindihan mo ng mas mabuti. You just rant about their behavior, but all it actually is, is their needs. You haven't seen their conditions first hand, kaya ka ganyan eh.

Eh kung may nagpark na limo sa harap ng SFAS at namimigay ng mga LV, di ka ba tatakbo at makikipag unahan?

That's just the same thing. Don't judge them, because they have nothing else better to do. Their conditions dictate their actions, so wag ka ng mag complain kasi wala silang choice.

If you seriously don't mind giving to beggars, then don't say anything. It's obvious that you do mind, otherwise you wouldn't have had that post. Mas mahaba pa yung pag rant mo kaysa sa pag sabi mo ng "you don't mind giving to beggars".

And yung mga mag cocomment diyan, bring it on. Mag kampihan na kayo as I am set for a good tongue lashing. Let the others see how screwed up you guys are.

And please, kahit mag disclaimer ka pa, matapobre comment talaga ang ginawa mo no. "Only a commentary on something we see everyday in Manila."? Kahabang commentary naman nyan. Sana hindi ka na nag disclaimer kasi mas nahalata ka pa.

LIVE FROM SFO

Just came from a family reunion.

My 12 year old cousin starts talking to me about the web, YouTube, limewire, the ipod, and boys.

Gosh, feeling dalaga na ito! Eh wala ka pa ngang lovely lady lumps no! Sarap tirisin sobra.

Then she shares with me this site where a dude named Justin, walks around San Francisco, goes about his everyday life, wearing a live webcam on his ear.

This webcam is on 24/7. He wears it in the bathroom, on a date, and yes, while he's sleeping. Kinabog ang Big Brother!

I just checked it out, and the dude's sleeping. It's 12:30AM his time. Ang aga naman matulog nito.

And you can even embed his live video cast in your blog!

Kaloka no?

I wonder what possessed him to do this?

Siguro wala syang masyadong friends.

And aminin natin, padami na ng padami ang sumisikat sa YouTube and web marketing.

There's Alyssa Alano, Von Lee Smith, the lipsynching Asian Backstreet Boys, and Alanis' My Humps parody.

Watch Justin's every move at http://www.justin.tv

THE BIGGEST JERK IN MANILA

I read this post like a month ago, and was in total shock about it.

Didn't know what to think until I talked to some magazine people who confirmed the incident. Some of which were at the same yacht party and saw and heard everything. Now I'm posting it.

I know he's hella hot ladies. But I'm sure he can't be ALL good. Dapat kasi pumayag na si girl, para di na sya nasaktan. Hardehar.


"Let me tell you about the biggest jerk in Metro Manila.

On Friday night I was at a fabulous yacht party in Manila Bay. After several hours we were all rather tipsy, and I was play fighting with my guy friends (well, I thought they were all friends). You know tripping each other up, pretending to kick each other, etc. Then, I made the mistake of play fighting with Will DeVaughn, The Biggest Jerk in Metro Manila. After pretending to trip him, he pulled my blouse collar down, exposing --well-- a lot. Scandalized, I slapped him. Then he responded by lifting me up by my arms and pressing my wrists so hard against the wall that my hands went numb from the pain. When he let go, I slapped him again -no one gets away with hurting a girl. This time he threw me onto a coach and twisted my arms so that they were pinned painfully behind me. (Note, I am 5'2" and have never worked out in my life, Will is like 5'11" and significantly older and stronger than me). I told him that my brothers would jump him for this, and he responded in all seriousness that he'd have my brothers killed. No one threatens my family, so when he let go I slapped him again. This time he looked me straight in the eye and screamed at me, that if I touched him again he'd throw me against the wall and off the boat (he knew I am afraid of water). So after physically hurting me and threatening to murder my brothers, I could only stand there, too scared to move because I was certain he's make good on his threat.

When he left my guy friends entered the room (there had only been girls in the room whom I hadn't been acquainted with). They were outraged, naturally, so we got into the car so that the guys could confront him at Embassy, where he had went. Karl, a really stand up guy went upstairs to Embassy (still and no matter what the best club in Manila) to tell Will to apologize. Will replied that I should go up and apologize to him! The nerve! Karl naturally called Will an expletive, and the woman-beating egomaniac responded by pushing Karl and asking him how he dared approach Will in "his" club. Appropriately, the bouncers began to drag Will away, but the jerk just went back upstairs and hid. And so he got away. I was so upset by the whole ordeal that I spent the rest of the evening and morning crying, so now I'm sick. Crap.

So Will deVaughn, who has only lived in this country for about two years, who isn't a Filipino citizen, whose only claim to fame is being a model, thinks that he can get away with bruising up girls, threatening to have people killed, and name dropping to a criminal extent. That is why he is The Biggest Jerk in Metro Manila, and deserves to be deported, and I don't care who knows about it."

Source: http://ferrariprincess.multiply.com/journal/item/79

FUNNY AND CREEPY AT THE SAME TIME

This clip is so so funny.

And the kid is so cute, funny and creepy at the same time.

Will Farrell brings it home with this one.

CLASSIC CLAUDINE BARRETO

This never fails to crack me up. Buti nga bwahahaha.

KAIRITA ANG ACCENT NI LEA!

Nakakapang-init ng ulo yung fake brit accent ni Lea I swear!

If I'm not mistaken, this vid was in 1989, the same year Miss Saigon opened in London.

So wala pang isang year, brit na ang accent ni Lea.

And didn't she have a reputation of having a new accent everytime she comes back from wherever?

CLEAR THE AIR

Let me clear the air for everyone.

I put up this blog because I hate pretentiousness.

Any form of it.

I have come across gazillions of people who are due a much needed bashing because they deserve it. And I have also come across people who don't.

This blog is for those who do.

If you are offended with my blog, and disagree with my opinions, then clearly I have stepped on your nerves. Which also means that you are guilty of the things I aired out.

The ones who chose to laugh about it and poke fun at it are clearly not offended. And most likely are not guilty.

Everyone is entitled to a lifestyle. Yes that is true. But I just seriously wish that people would choose a lifestyle that they can afford. Not a lifestyle to keep up with just because it's cool and people will take notice.

If you can afford it, and comfortably at that, then well and good. But if you can't, and still yearn for these luxuries, then I consider you pretentious.

Chuvaness has been very classy in reacting to my blog post. She thinks it's funny, I hope she knows the kind of people I'm talking about, and clearly she's not offended because she respects my opinions, and she never said anything negative about it. She is clearly someone who has a sense of humor, and someone who is very comfortable about who she is. Thank You for that chuvaness. I thought that LV coffin was hilarious too.

And the post's goal wasn't even to make everyone guilty because you don't share to charities. I mean of course I wish you did, but the post was mainly about people who live beyond their means.

I know of so many who are like this, and it makes me vomit everytime I see them and hear them talk. I would just love to mention their names but I don't want to make a scene. Why can't they just be who they are? Why do they think people will respect them if they have such luxuries?

Again yes, to each his own. If they wanna live in a lie, then go ahead. I'm just glad I'm not friends with these people.

This blog is just my tool of release. It's not the newspaper or The Bible you know. But hey, you gotta admit, it's pretty entertaining. Hardehar.

I'm glad my post sparked some interest.

And I hope it at least made you guys think.

WHAT THE?!

If you read one of my previous posts about PNTM, they used to put the finalists' pictures on matte boards. Don't ask me why.

I just found a screen shot and I just had to post it.

Doesn't it look really silly? It made Ruffa look like she was carrying a bible or something.

Funny diba?

I wonder whose stupid idea that was?

RUFFA BOOBOO

Just watched PNTM a few hours ago. Was fishing for more booboos. And lo and behold, I did find a handful.

But I have to highlight the best one, made by the hostess herself.

Ruffa was down to the bottom 2 finalists, and she was expressing her disappointment with Joy, the black beauty of the show.

Ruffa says something like, "Joy, you disappoint me so much. Every week, it's just one disappointment OVER another."

And you could totally see her disappointment when she heard herself. It was like she wanted to correct herself but didn't because it was too late.

Hardehar.

ROBBY CARMONA'S CLASSIC HIRIT ON PNTM

When I heard about this, halos gumapang ako sa sahig sa kakatawa. In one of the PNTM episodes, Robby comments on one of the finalists,

"I love your legs! Keep it up!"

Amen!

Pic taken from chuvaness.

THE GUCCI GANG AND THE VUITTON VALAHURAS

I don't and I will never get people who go gaga or gago over luxury items such as Gucci and Vuitton.

I will not fucking spend more than P5K for a bag, or wallet.

Hello?! What's so special about it?

I actually think Vuitton is tacky. I don't like the design. Looks like wallpaper to me. It's not like their bags' shapes are special. It looks like any other bag. The color is bland. That colored one is so cheap. And why the hell would you spend P20,ooo for a bag? A bag is just something you need to carry stuff. Parang bumili ka ng supot na P20,000. And it doesn't even look like P20,000.

It's such a waste of money. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure the material is carefully crafted, it's super soft and very durable, but so is other less expensive brands. And the other brands look so much cooler. And what's so cool with showing up at an event and having the same bag as every celebrity there?

Even if I could afford an LV or Gucci, I would NEVER buy a bag that expensive. I would rather give it to charity, than blow it all on leather with wallpaper print.

Do you LV and Gucci people even give to charity and the church? Di ba kayo nakokonsensya sa pag gastos nyo? You guys are blessed to have money, and I hope you use it the right way. Manghinayang naman kayo sa pera na yan. Palibhasa di nyo pinaghihirapan yang pera kaya ganyan kayo makagastos. All you did was marry a rich guy, political racketeering, pocketing, payola and the like. Buti nakakatulog pa kayo sa gabi after burning that much cash on a bag.

And yes I'm sure it's a status symbol, but why a bag? Why not through a car? Or a house? Or jewelry? Does it make you look better? Does it make you a better person when you carry this bag? Does it mean you're smarter and a cut above the rest when you have this bag? Does it take away all your dirty laundry and negative traits? Will you have more friends? I so do not get it. It's useless, it's all for show, and all you people live in a party where you just kiss each other's ass and compliment each other when you feel like vomitting. You don't land a job or lose a job based on the brand you're wearing. It's what's inside that counts. Sounds corny? Yeah but it's true. I honestly am sure a bag can't guarantee you genuine happiness. But a spa and a good laugh at a movie will.

You know what's interesting too? The people who brag about their LVs and Guccis are new monied people. I'm sure they didn't want LV when they were in highschool. My old rich friends don't even have LVs. We hang out at their pads, they've got like 12 househelp and 8 cars, Patek Phillippes, Chanels, Rolexes, and they consider LV to be cheap looking. And these are people who were born with diamond studded spoons in their mouths. Not silver, not gold, but diamonds. They have millions in their bank accounts, and that's because they know how to spend their money. They spend on what counts. Nothing for show.

I hope you people think before buying these things. Think of how much other things it can buy. Think of donating to a charity or to church. Nobody cares about the brands you wear. And I'm sure you don't wanna be befriended just because you have the nicest bags.

Do something worthwhile please. Don't throw money away.

www.worldvision.org.ph
www.unicef.org/philippines
www.filipinocharity.org
www.childrenshour.org.ph