NAKAKASUKA!

First there was Lipgloss, TV5's el cheapo version of obviously, Gossip Girl.

And now comes Takipsilim, the Pinoy version of Twilight.

Ano ba?! Wala na ba kayong maisip na bago ABS-CBN? Kopyahan na lang ba ang labanan? Dahil ba DYOSKO ang nangyayari kay DYOSA?

Even Perez Hilton is upset.

Haaay, kelan kaya magiging matalino ang Pinoy TV no? Kaya ang bobobo ng kabataan nowadays eh, it's coz of ideas and shows like this!

Ka-cheapan to the pinaka-top level! Linamon nya ang Master Showman sa ka-cheapan!

PAKI-STRETCH PA PLEASE

Ah...eh...sa tingin ba ng Garage Magazine eh hindi halata ang pagkaka-stretch nila sa mukha ni Geoff Eigenmann sa latest issue nila?

We all know that this guy has had problems with his weight, and is just resting on being good looking.

He's a bad host. Tunog special child pag nag hohost sa MYX. He's a bad actor. Walang sinabi sa mga magulang nya. And he's a bad endorser. Hanford? Really? Is he even HOT? Like underwear hot? NOT!

Naiirita na talaga ako sa magazine na 'to. Napaka-pretentious. Eh puro lifted lang naman sa ibang US mags ang content. The styling is all messed up, articles are irrelevant, and it's P200 bucks. I mean fine, it is way better than that pathetic excuse for a men's mag called Metro HIM, but will you just settle for being better when you can be the best? Hay, I'd read Men's Health anytime than these.

I mean look at that cover. Milestone ba ang styling na pinakita dito? Wow, leather jacket on a plain white shirt! How come I never thought of that?! Uuy, dogtag! Sige, gagamitin ko uli ung mga laos ko na na dogtag! Uy, half-tucked ung shirt! That's such an ultra new tip!

If you're really the ultimate style guide for guys, then why don't you stay away from the high end brands and teach men how to dress up well without spending a fortune? I mean Zara, Springfield and Paul Smith? Scour through SM, Surplus Shop, Landmark, and the tiangges for the really cool and cheap finds.

And take note. If the Conde Nast publication, Cargo, didn't make it, then what chance do you guys have? Let's face it. We live in a third world country. The people who can afford your magazine and the stuff you push, are rich enough to not even buy your magazine for tips. Chances are, they already got style. Or if not, they have their own personal stylist or shopper.

There's so little of men's stuff out there that you'll surely run out of stuff to print. And men hold on to a shirt like an old pair of boxers. They hardly change their wardrobe, much less add on to it. Men are just fine as it is. Fitness is something they can welcome in. New fashion, maybe in like 40 issues in.

WORST NOSE JOB EVER

Please tell me what is up with Lani Misalucha's nose?

I mean come on, does she really think her doctor did such a great job? Seamless ba ang pagkakagawa?Nakakatakot kaya sya ngayon. Was she going for the Jacko look? Maybe it's a thing in Vegas now. Para magmukha ka talagang attraction. Para after her concert, sa circus naman sya sasali.

Dapat dun nalang sya sa doctor ni Angel Locsin nagpagawa, although mukhang mahal ang pagkakagawa nung kay Angel kasi hardly noticeable. Baka naman sale ang nose job na nakuha ni Lani kaya sale din ang kinalabasan? At least it did take a lot of steam off Regine's supposed nose job. Si Lani na ngayon ang reyna ng retoke.

Kaya siguro nagparetoke din si Martin kasi kala nya siguro, dahil sa ilong sumikat si Lani sa Vegas.

There are lots of bad nose jobs in Manila, and some good ones. Bad ones include Lucky Manzano, Ivy Violan, Verni Varga, Pops Fernandez and Nancy Jane (aka Nancy Castiliogne). Good ones include Sharon Cuneta, Piolo Pascual, Pia Guanio, Angel Locsin and Phoemela Baranda.

THE WORST DIRECTOR OF OUR TIME

Now where the fuck do I start with this sorry ass excuse for a director?

Ok, as far as I know, he got his name up there by directing Regine Velasquez's music videos for her album R2K. Dunno how he managed to get that deal, maybe he paid Regine?

All his videos are such an eyesore. Tangina, lahat na lang ng kulay ginamit. Wala ng ginawa kungdi mag pan ng camera, bawat linya cut-to-cut sa iba-ibang set-up. Kairita! As if nakaka-impress ang ginagawa nya.

I hate watching SOP because he directs it. I never watched ASAP before 'coz most of the best singers are in SOP, but I find myself watching ASAP instead of SOP because his camera work gives me such a fucking headache. Ang sakit sa mata punyeta. Parang laging may fiesta sa SOP. Confetti, check. Lahat ng kulay ng ilaw, check. Bubbles, check. Smoke machine, check. Strobe lights, check. Laser lights, check. Oh and yeah, he directs Celebrity Duets, and the now non-existent Pinoy Idol and Songbird. I'm sure he directs more GMA shows, and I'm staying away from them.And the nice thing about it is a lot of people feel the same way too. He's a huge joke in the directing industry. Try asking people like Quark Henares or some of the more sosyal directors, and I'm sure you'll get a mouthful.

Check this out too: http://es2pido.blogspot.com/2006/01/ang-pakitang-gilas-na-balasubas.html

Apparently, followers of famous pinoy blogger Rickey Yaneza hates him too. He has no taste whatsoever, and I don't even wanna know kung san sya nag-aral mag-direct. Kung san man yan, best to stay away from that place. Yun eh kung nag-aral nga sya mag-direct. That's why it's no wonder why he hardly does big stuff, like movies, documentaries and stage plays. Because he's nothing. Mabuburo na lang sya sa music videos, kasi yun lang ang kaya nya, and wala pang kwenta.

To the GMA7 execs. Do not underestimate your audience. May utak ang mga tao ngayon, masa man yan. Instead of making the masa more masa, why not treat them to something different? And introduce them to better things diba?

Axe Louie Ignacio, and replace him with someone younger, who has fresher ideas, and someone who doesn't do the same thing over and over and over again.

COPYCAT 2

Kamusta naman yan? One of our local artists copied Ashanti's CD cover.

Be discreet naman!

COPYCAT

Was at the mall today, and I saw this new local magazine at National Bookstore. It looked awfully familiar, thought my fave mag which folded 2 years ago is back. Not!

It's the new Men's Lifestyle mag called GARAGE, with Jake Cuenca on the cover. Obvious bang local kasi local ang cover?

I have been a fan of Cargo since it came out, and was able to collect every issue that came out. And I'm a girl sheesh! It featured everything a guy likes, from clothes, cars, grooming, gadgets, electronics, fitness, sports, and sex. Too bad after 2 years, the magazine folded, and I've always wished it would resurrect. Cargo is under Conde Nast by the way, the same publushers of Lucky, Vogue and GQ.

And now we have this copycat from Manila Bulletin. I mean fine, I'm glad MB is KIND OF upping their magazines, out with the old (and I mean PANORAMA) and on with the new (Sense & Style and Sugar Sugar), but please please lang naman. Wala ba kayong originality?

First of all, the size of Sugar Sugar is so Teen Vogue (actually, Seventeen ang unang culprit), and Garage is sooo Cargo.I mean fine, you had to copy an obsure magazine which was never sold in Manila so that you guys won't get caught. But how about people who do know? Like me?

People like me is your mag's market, and you expect me to check out your cheapo rip-off? No thanks.

I'm sorry, but we are in a third world country, and there's not enough stuff to feature in a magazine like yours.

If Cargo didn't make it, what chance does your magazine have?

PHONEY GONZAGA

Someone please explain to me, why this creature is so famous?

She's everywhere! She has endorsements, TV shows, concerts and albums! WTF?!

She's a bad host. Never enjoyed her in that newscrap Wazzup, Wazzup. That show sucked big time. Walang commercial value, and bobo na nga ang kabataan ngayon, lalo nyo pang pinapabobo dahil sa mga show na 'yan!

She's ugly. Iisa lang ang angle ng mukha, and kaya sya pinangalang Toni kasi mukha syang lalake!

She can't sing! Leche, have you heard her cover of Randy Crawford's "One Hello"? Fuck, kakairita ah! Para syang may sipon, na pinasakan ng socks sa bibig nung recording! It was so bad, I swear, she sounded like a bad Jessa Zaragoza. Someone should giver her vocal lessons. I hate her style! Parang ilong nya ang nagka album.

Diba galing lang sya from that Sprite TV ad with Piolo? Yun na yun? Yun na ang basis ng GMA7 para gawing artista 'tong drag queen na 'to?

Sobra ako irita sa kanya with this music video where she's playing an artista. Yaaak kadiri talaga. Feeling maganda. Laki kaya ng nguso nya. Eeeeewww. And iisa lang outfit nya sa video. Ka-cheapan ah. Can't you spring for new outfits honey? Cute pa naman the guy in the music video. Nasayang lang kay Toni.

And she's plastic ha. A friend of mine brought me to this presscon she had for this movie. Had to delete from my memory that day. My friend had to interview her, so when she sat down with us, my friend had to introduce us. After the introduction, I had to get something from my wallet. She said, "How nice naman your wallet." I was like "duh?"

First of all, I hate pa-cute talk from anyone. Secondly, my wallet is cute? It was a simple, rectangular, leather, tan colored, bill fold wallet I bought from HK. Do people even notice wallets? Sure if they're cute, or maybe if they had flashing lights or something. That's how I knew she was plastic. It was like saying, "Ang galing naman, you're wearing shoes!"

Haaay, I give her a few more years, and she's outta here. People are gonna realize that's she has nothing to offer. And then she'll try to go sexy. Maybe the men will take notice. But soon after that, they'll realize the name Toni doesn't really go with someone sexy, and she'll be shot down again. Her only chance to be popular again if she gets knocked up by someone like Erik Santos, Raymond Gutierrez or Boy Abunda. Then she'll try to be all sosyal and hang out with the likes of Ruffa, Gretchen and Kris, and the three girls will stay away from her because she pronounces it "HER-MEES" instead of "ER-MEZ".

And that'll be the end of her. Hopefully.

LIPGLOSS MY ASS

Utang na loob naman. Don't we have enough kabaduyan on pinoy TV already?

It's bad enough that TV 5 is trying to make a comeback (again), but along with this show?! Kadiri ah!

Friends, welcome Lipgloss. The third world interpretation of Gossip Girl.

Kinikilabutan ako as in. The whole cast are unknowns, except for Sam Concepcion (who looks so adorable by the way).

Ang nakakaloka pa dito, ung mga na-cast as mayaman in this show, ang barok mag english ah! Yaaaah! Not one of them is believable. Bakit wala silang mahanap na matinong artista? Malamang mababa ang TF.

As in, I can't even see anyone who has potential to be big in the cast. Aside from the bad styling, the bad voice over at the start of the clip, why the fuck is it called LipGloss? Since when did Chapstick and lipbalm become sosyal? Sana Sebo na lang diba? Or Golden Heart. Or Kanebo.

And the names ha, di ko kinakaya. Linden High? So sa Linden Suites lang pala sila nakatira.

At least there's a new show in town to bash. So thanks TV 5 for new trashy pinoy TV!

WHY GOD WHY?

Is anyone else out there as irritated as I am with this whole scarf trend that's going on?!

I don't get it.

Is this how everyone wants to look like? Like a homeless person? In na ba ang magmukhang rebelde o taong grasa?

Naloka din ako when this "trend" was just starting. Ang nag fefeeling na Puey Quinones had the gall to sell these at his shop at Podium for P800 each. Duh. Kapal ng mukha. Buti kung sya ang nag habi nun diba, di naman. And that was like last April lang. Fast forward to a week ago, I saw these things at SM Hypermart being sold at P88 each. Bwahahaha! Such a clear cut sign na laos na sya, at pang masa sya.

And buti sana kung ginagamit ng nasa lugar diba. Leche, eh tanghaling tapat, naka scarf?! Tumatawid ng kalye, naka tricycle at asa jeep, naka scarf pa din? Tumatagtak na ang pawis, paninindigan pa din ang scarf? Aba, eh di swak pala ang scarf na yan kasi pati ang odor mo eh mala Arabo din!

May mga nakita pa ako sa event recently, leche, naka long sleeves na button down shirt, ung isa naman naka-suit, naka scarf pa din? Argh! Wala ba kayong mga salamin?

I swear, kung pwede ko lang sakalin with their scarves ang bawat tao na nakikitaan ko nyan, I'd be in prison now.

So please, please. If you still wanna wear a scarf, stick with the classic ones, and not this sick one. Punyeta, eh pati nga si Roderick Paulate eh naka ganyan na din no! Hindi ba senyales yan na dapat ng iwasan ang trend na 'to?

Kill them, kill them all! Sunugin ang mga scarves na yan, isama nyo na ang mga nagsusuot!

THE TRUTH ABOUT PINOY IDOL

I have been watching PI (Pinoy Idol or Putang Ina?) since it started, and sure, I did diss the patapon show 'coz it sucked big time. But I saw potential with a handful of its finalists. But since they are being eliminated one by one, I gotta say something again.

The eliminated finalists with potential and some are even ready for the bigtime are Meryl David, Walton Zerrudo, Beverly Ejercito, Jeni Rawole, Mae Flores, and the best one in the lot, Robby Navarro.

PI can blame the voters all they want, but it all boils down to a show that isn't rating. The number of votes is somewhat proportional to its viewership. The show has been running for weeks now, and never has the Goodyear blimp, Raymond Gutierrez, mentioned the prizes at stake and the number of votes cast. Nakakahiya ba to even mention? Siguro nga. I can imagine it now, "After the nationwide vote of 1,000, we are happy to announce that the prizes at stake are as follows: a record deal. That's it. Now let's eliminate someone."

The new set of the Top 12 looks like some cheap beauty pageant or variety show in Taiwan. Louie Ignacio, you should retire. I don't even know why GMA 7 even hired you in the first place. You have very poor taste, and you're highly overrated.

The TV mix of the sound never improved, camera shots still suck, and the judges are still lame. And don't get me started with the host.

Jeni Rawole's elimination was a huge disappointment. Sure, her music won't make it mainstream, but she has obvious class, and her music is sure to hit a certain market. And to top it all off, she was eliminated the same week Bagyong Frank hit her hometown, Iloilo. The whole of Iloilo didn't have electricty, and I'm sure the mobile signals were down too. So it was very unfair for her to be eliminated based on votes alone. Why didn't Fremantle take a cue from Philippine Idol? The same thing happened back then, with Milenyo. They made the same week a non-elimination week, but 2 will be eliminated the next week. That's how it should have been done this year. Apparently, Fremantle just shrugged their shoulders and said, "too late". It would have been interesting to have Jeni on the show, with the themes starting. Imagine a jazzy version of a Jose Mari Chan hit. Now that's class and talent.

Frankly, I am sick and tired of this never ending ratings race between GMA 7 and ABS-CBN. Since PDA started, Pinoy Idol, especially Pinoy Idol extra, turned into this soap, and obviously took advantage of its finalists. They began to have challenges, started to provoke its finalists, and even manipulated their interviews with editing. (read: Robby Navarro was a Pinoy Idol victim).

He was the best vocalist in the whole competition, all three judges agreed. I know Wyngard does, he just won't admit it. Yes, he had a bad night with his last performance, "The Greatest Love of All", but the judges didn't pin him down. So what happened that could've caused him the lowest number of votes? Three words: Pinoy Idol extra. Watch what I mean here.

I was there at Center Stage of the Mall of Asia during the elimination of Robby Navarro. After the taping, you could certainly feel the tension and disappoinment from the whole staff, the other finalists and the audience. Now that the best vocalist was eliminated based on false pretenses, it seems like the rest of the finalists' efforts will all be wasted. 'Coz now they all know that the show is not based on talent AT ALL.

Now let's talk about what other elements can get you that much coveted Pinoy Idol title. MONEY. The show's results is based on text votes ALONE. Meaning it's not the Philippines who decides, it's the finalist who has the most moolah to burn. Two names come to mind, and all finalists would agree, Jayann Baustista and Gretchen Espina. These two have never been in the bottom group, and yes they are pretty, but they suck like hell. If I was a finalist, and had serious cash to burn, I would probably do that too. But I would not be too proud to not admit that a lot are more talented than I am, and it would feel so much better if it was the viewers who voted for me, and not my political clan.

What about looks? We all know that physicality will get you seriously far in this biz. Some people even have to sleep with certain people to get to the top, but I'm reserving that for another post. I'm talking about Daryl Celis. Yes he is a cutie, and that face of his has made him move on to the Top 9, he was the 2nd to the bottom last week, but how could he win over Robby? His singing is not that hideous, but it's not that great either. Honestly, I would choose to look at his face the whole night than hear him sing. Enough said. Almost all the finalists agree on this. See for yourself.

Alright so let's see. So far we've got money, looks, and intrigue. Anything else? The judges' opinions? You all know that the judges' opinions don't matter because this competition is based solely on votes. WRONG. What if there was someone over and above the three judges who calls almost all the shots? Someone who cares so much about packaging and the finalists' past that he/she doesn't even care about talent anymore. Something to think about huh?

Wanna rant and rally for a wildcard? Wish to bring Robby, Mae, Meryl, Jeni and Walton back?

Email and flood the GMA7 and Fremantle people at these email addresses:

Viola.Fuchs@fremantlemedia.com

geraldine.bravo@fremantlemedia.com

rommel.gacho@gmail.com

sop@gmanetwork.com

theagomezpollisco@yahoo.com

PINOY IDLE

Yes I know dear readers, I have been on hiatus for months now, and I do apologize for not dishing out piping hot bash worthy people, but I will try to get back on track. Been so busy with my own life, I didn't have the time to diss!

But with this one, I just can't keep my mouth shut. I have to say something about this.

If you guys didn't know already, Pinoy Idol has been airing for about a month and a half now since the audition tapes, and the Top 24 has been performing for 3 weeks now. And 8 contestants have already been eliminated since.

So why this post? It's not about the contestants. It's the show itself.

Lemme start with Raymond "Goodyear Blimp" Gutierrez.

Tangina naman. Bakit naman sya ang host? Has he even proven himself as a good host to deserve that job? And can't you guys be a little more discreet? I can smell Anabelle Rama's handiwork all over this.

He's a bad host, who has nothing good to say, who is obviously reading the prompter, who's so gay that it's chapping my ass, and is a walking tub of lard!

Trying pa talagang magsuot ng neutral colors and form fitting clothes. Kapatid, walang effect. Butanding pa din ang itsura mo no. Di na kayo mukhang kambal ni Richard. Malayong malayo na. Argh! I would take Maurice Arcache to host anything over this fag any day!

Now the judges.

Ogie Alcasid. So far ok ka naman. Kaya lang, I feel like you don't ever wanna sound like the bad guy. Lagi kang may kambyo. "You know may konting pitch problems, but you know what, I liked it!" Strap on a pair Ogie! It's either you liked it, or you don't. Most of these contestants are amateurs, so cut them some slack. Some of them are pros, but still have to deal with the pressure of performing in live TV. So maybe you could hold off on being too technical until the Top 12 comes. 'Coz then you can say that by now, they should've learned already how to contain the nerves, and just perform. Although I have new found respect for you Ogie. Lasalista ka nga.

Jolina Magdangal. It's so obvious that she was made a judge para manuod fans nya sa kanya, para tumaas ang ratings ng show. Wala kang kwenta iha. Wala kang K magsabi ng mga "walang dating", "di ka nag iimprove", "ang sama ng diction mo", kasi ikaw mismo eh mga problema mo yan na di mo na na-correct. At ining, ang "thumbs up" ay hindi comment pwede ba.

Wyngard Tracy. Now where do I start with this relic trainwreck? Unang una, di ka kumakanta lola, kaya wala kang karapatan magsabi ng mga "flat" at "sharp". Kaya ka tuloy binabara ni Ogie, dahil wala ka namang tenga ng singer, kaya shut up and fly na lang tanda, please lang. And pwede ba, stop criticizing their clothes! Ang pagalitan mo yung mga stylist na walang kwenta! If you have nothing to say, just keep it that way. Don't try to be witty, because you're not. TH ka magpatawa ate. You'll never be Simon Cowell, so please don't try to be him.

And now the so-called "director", Louie Ignacio. Now this guy just doesn't get it. Chaka ng direction mo mare. Kasing chaka ng buhok at kutis mo. Di naman kasi music video ang TV show eh, kelangan ba pare-pareho ang treatment? Kahit na gano kadaming ilaw ang idagdag mo sa set na yan, kita pa din ang mga chismis ng kutis ng mga judges at contestant no! Ang harsh ng mga ilaw mo, at least man lang wag i-close up di ba? Para namang nananadya ka nyan eh, para maeliminate yung contestant na chaka ang skin. Diba sa mga artista, may mga special request sila sa mga kuha nila, why can't it be the same for these contestants? Kasi nobody sila ganun ba? Ay politika nga naman. Chaka ng mga pag pan, chaka ng ilaw, chaka ng editing, chaka ng set, chaka ng mga angulo, chaka ng mga kitang-kitang mga shadow ng camera man, chaka ng mga graphics at font, chaka ng sound, chaka ng recap, chaka ng lahat talaga! Chaka mo Louie!

Pati ang website, day, di man lang real time. At wala pang kalaman-laman. Ano bang klase yan? Para lang masabing may website. Potah, sara nyo na yan. Mabuti pa ung mga blogs jan, puspusan ang pag uupdate, at may real time updates pa. Tinalo pa kayo. Loschina.

PI should stand for Putang Ina. Hoy GMA, gising!

Pati pangalan at spelling ng mga contestant, kinailangan pa bang palitan? Kasi para magtunog cool ganun? Kasi mejo di kagandahan ang mga tunog ng names nila ganun? Sana palitan nyo na lang pag nanalo na diba? Ang kapangit-pangit na pangalan na Jonalyn Viray nga di nyo pinalitan eh no! Walang pakialaman!

And alam nyo ba, na dahil sa sobrang baba ng ratings ng Pinoy Idol, at dahil walang bumoboto, they had to manipulate the votes and eliminated some of the good ones? Tama ba yun? Walang konsensya talaga ang GMA7. Didn't you even think of the kind of trauma that would cause the contestants you eliminated? Para lang tumaas ang ratings, deadma sa feelings ng ibang tao.

And napansin nyo din ba na never pa sinasabi kung ilan ang nag cast ng votes? Kasi baka 1000 lang, baka lower pa. Well, if sabihin nila na 1M votes ang na-cast, as if maniniwala tayo diba?

This show is such a disgrace to the American Idol franchise. Good luck na lang kung may 2nd season pa diba.

Fine, nag dadagdag kayo ng mga bagong ilaw, at mga monitor at kung ano pang mga anik-anik, pero diba dapat nung umpisa pa lang yan? Ano yan, so mapapanuod na lang namin ung pinakamandang show sa last episode? Kalokohan.

Like I've been telling people, palabas yan eh. Kelangan kumita. Kaya gawin na lahat para happy ang AI, happy ang sponsors, happy ang tao, sad ang contestants. Kaya magtanggal na lang ng mga magagaling na contestant, para may gulpi de gulat na episode diba, para mapansin. Marketing nga naman.

Yang mga stylist na yan, ang sarap din pagbababarilin. Wala ng alam kung hindi neutrals, stripes, layering, bangles at belt. Gumagamit lang ng kulay pag mag production number.

Di man lang pansinin na hindi flattering sa contestant ang mga pinapasuot nyo. Kayo namang mga contestant, matuto naman kayo mag reklamo no. Mukha na nga kayong mag gogolf, di pa kayo magsasalita. You should have the last say on what you're gonna wear, because it will definitely affect your performance in the smallest way. It won't hurt to suggest you know, and maybe meet halfway. Huwag kayo matatakot magsalita and mag complain. The stylists don't know everything. And remember, artists kayo. Before you entered the competition, may kanya kanya na kayong identity.

A competition based on text voting will never work in the Philippines. Why? Ang Pinoy, kahit na kapitbahay ng pinsan ni chever, kahit di personally kilala, at di naman alam kung may kagalingan o hindi, iboboto pa din.

And aminin na natin, ang nananalo sa mga contest na yan ay laging may itchura, secondary na lang ang talent. Swerte na lang kung both diba. Kasi nga naman, asa GMA 7 ka na diba, eh if lugmok ang singing career mo, gagawin ka na lang artista ng GMA diba? Kelangan ka mapag kakitaan eh. Iilan lang ba ang nanalo na walang fez? Si Frenchy lang ata ang alam ko na ganun, pero the rest, laging at least may itchura. Kaya tama na ang kahibangan.

Wag ng magbalak ng mga ganyang contest. Yung judges na lang ang mamili ng mananalo para tapos na. Tutal, kaya nga kayo nilagay dyan dahil supposedly you guys know best. So why leave it to the people? They don't know any better.Sayang lang ang oras at talent ng mga contestant kung ieexploit nyo lang.

Yun lang pow. Sumakit ulo ko dun 'nyeta. Tubig nga.

IT'S A TIE

Just when you thought si Ellen lang ang pagmumulan ng lahat ng sakuna sa Edsa, may gusto pa atang kumalaban.

Hay, you gotta have Faith nga naman!

It's the billboard to her Valentine show called "Faith Sings Sinatra". It's located along Edsa, just after you get on the Santolan fly-over.

My camera couldn't zoom in on the billboard well while I was driving. First, it was too far. Second, it was so small, it seemed like a huge poster, and not a billboard. And third, I couldn't get the camera to stop shaking 'coz I was laughing so hard.

So you understand I had to find the picture, and fortunately for us dear readers, Faith's blog is open to the public, and this image is her banner. Big mistake.

Di ko maintindihan ang picture as in. Para syang nasunog, na inaantok ang make-up artist nya, at mukhang nagkamali sya at nainom nya ang Botox! What the hell were they thinking?!

And that frock, goodness! Is that like some 5th grader or maid's uniform?

And the hair! Bakit parang 18th century ata ang interpretation nila kay Sinatra?

Tapos parang may sore eyes pa ata sya. Siguro feeling nung nag retouch nito, "Tangina pare, ang galing ko talaga mag-Photoshop! Iba talaga ako! Da bam ako pare!"

OMG! I just realized! Buo na ang pamilya!

Kelan kaya ang reunion?

KILL ME NOW

Ang buhay nga naman.

Kung kelan ka nananahimik, na walang ka-probleproblema, bigla kang gugulatin.

Pinalampas ko na nga 'tong mga album na linabas ni Teta eh. At least di sya kumanta. Intros lang and spoken words I think. But the songs were recorded by real singers. I even heard na most of the artists who worked on this album didn't know it was for Kris, kasi baka daw walang pumayag.

And why call it have her name on the CD kung di naman sya kumanta? The second one even says, "Kris Aquino's Brand New Album". Duh. Napaka misleading no. And as usual, madami na namang nagpaloko dito.

And if those weren't bad enough, here's the newest disgrace to hit the record bars:

Bleeeeech! Nakakadiri! Manila is terribly screwed up for supporting this hideous creature!

Tama bang ito ang sumalubong sa Valentine's Day? Dapat Halloween linabas ang CD na to!

Punyeta! BFF nga silang dalawa ni Teta! Di ko na kaya to as in.

Please lang, wag na kayo bumili nito. Si April Boy, Renz Verano at Mystika na lang, wag lang 'tong dalawang 'to!

You will all make the world a safer place if you do not buy this CD. And it will also show that you have excellent taste. And that you're not stupid.

I NOW HATE CORNED BEEF

Why is this scary thing so famous here in the Philippines?

He's an old, old, gay man with bad teeth, bad skin, bad hosting skills, bad attitude, bad breath (so I heard), and bad managerial skills (he owns Backroom).

I have boycotted ABS-CBN altogether because of 2 people: Kris Aquino and this DOM.

I used to hate John Lapuz, but now, he seems alright now that I have someone knew to despise.Why the fuck would Argentina hire him for an endorser? He used to endorse Great Image, but apparently, nagising din sila. As if he even buys Argentina.

And that show of his, Home Boy? Kill me, kill me now! Walang kwenta ang mga topics, the title of the show has nothing to do with the format, and he's definitely not the way to start your day! Sira ang araw mo I'm sure! Parang nagkape ka nga, pero binuhos mo sa mukha mo.I cringe everytime he starts his sentences with "kaibigan". And the way he modulates his voice when he's hosting is so annoying!!! Bring back Butch Francisco please!

He reminds me of this host before, Giovanni Calvo, but that guy's a goner now. And I hope Boy follows soon.

And why the hell would you wanna be managed by this uglyzoid? Leche, eh mas sikat pa sya sa mga minamanage nya eh! If I were some star, I wouln't wanna support his career you know. He's just gonna use your money on his boyfriends!

Ang ABS-CBN nga naman. Ang pinapasikat yung mga walang kwentang tao. Pero yung mga may talent, binabaon sa limot.

Kasalanan din ng Pinoy yan eh. These networks are trippin' with your minds. They make you think these people are cool, when in fact, they're absolute trash!

How could anyone agree to be his boyfriend? Imagine waking up to that hideous face every morning. You'll never get used to it. Oh yeah, money.

With all that money, why can't he have his face fixed? And I just don't mean fix as in repairs and stuff, 'coz I think Belo does that for him now. I'm talking about major renovating and overhauling!

Take him off the air please. I beg you. He doesn't deserve the attention he's getting. He doesn't contribute anything valuable to society. He's just taking up space in this country. And that makes him useless.

If he runs for Senate, I swear I will leave the country. Lokohan na eh.

LOSING HER MAGIC

What is happening to Regine Velasquez? She is clearly losing her touch.

Her last movie with Piolo Pascual tanked. It was expected to be her biggest movie yet, especially since it's opposite Piolo Pascual. Fine, blame it on Ogie's huge announcement via Yes Magazine.

Her last concert, "Ang Ating Awitin", was a disaster.

Her new duet with Jaya, a remake of Joey Albert and Pops Fernandez's "Points Of View", is so terrible, I swear, it makes Pops sound good.

She's often all over the place in SOP, missing her lyrics and walking out in the middle of the show.

I think the Songbird's feathers are shedding one by one.

And honestly, I think she's getting complacent.

Maybe because she knows people will still support her even if she fucks up?

Some people actually blame mismanagement, and the person resposible is her sister, Cacai. Instead of referring to her as "the sister" of Regine, musicians now call her "disaster"of Regine.

And isn't it about time to get all covered up honey? You're getting old, and it shows in your humps.